The Lightning Strike
by Leonhart17
Summary: AU season 6 -starts after "All the Way"- Willow and Tara deal with her growing magical addiction together... Rating for later chapters...  *Could follow "The Call" but you don't have to have read that one - just a few references to it*
1. Chapter 1

Opening quotes and title are from the Snow Patrol song "The Lightning Strike" that I don't own.

* * *

_It got cold and then dark so suddenly and rained  
It rained so hard the two of us were the only thing  
That we could see for miles and miles_

Willow knew Tara was angry, could feel her lover's frustration radiating in waves. "I, I'm sorry, okay?" she apologized, wanting to put this behind them. They didn't fight often and the last time they had it had resulted in Tara losing her mind. She knew the chances of anything like that happening again were slim to none with no brain sucking bitch goddesses in town, but she hated the idea of going to bed beside Tara and letting her fall asleep angry.

"It's not that easy," Tara answered, sighing.

"Well, what do you want me to do? Reverse time and take it back?" she asked, trying to break the tension with a laugh. "Cause I could probably…" Tara sent her a stern look and she swallowed quickly, not used to the look of steel directed at her. "Joke. I don't think I could really…"

Tara cut her off quickly, jerking the blankets back forcefully and dropping her pillow on the bed. "You know what, can, can we not do this now? I'm tired."

Willow stared at her for a moment, yanking the blankets back on the other side. "No! We need to do this now, Tara!"

The blonde stared up at her in surprise, pushing the covers off of her and climbing back to her feet. "Really, Willow? You want to do this now? And of course it's whatever you want, right?"

Willow huffed, hugging her arms around herself. "What do you mean by that?" she asked, her voice quiet.

Tara sighed, her eyes dropping. "I-I, lately it seems like you've been using m-magic, doing spells to do w-whatever you want. Like with the party."

Willow groaned in frustration. "What is so wrong with that? It was easy! And it made Anya happy!"

"The problem is that it was selfish!" Tara protested. "You could have just as easily bought some stuff from the store!" She crossed her arms shakily over her stomach. "You're making everything easy for yourself, and you're using magic to do it when you know that's not what it's for!"

"I help people!" Willow shot back.

"You do, at least you used to, but now it's all about yourself and I…"

"What!" Willow protested. "What am I doing now that's so wrong?"

Tara didn't look at her. "I'm scared," she confessed softly.

"Scared of what, Tara?" Willow demanded. "Of me? You don't think - you can't think I'd ever hurt you, do you?"

The blonde looked up finally, eyes sad. "I don't know," she answered honestly.

"Well, I wouldn't! I would never hurt you, Tara!" Willow said quickly, angry now herself. "That you even think I would…"

"Willow," Tara tried to protest, but the redhead sliced one hand through the air to cut her off.

"No, you know what? You were right," the redhead shot at her. "Now's not the time for this. I'm going out, get some air." She spun around, stomping out of their bedroom still in her pajamas. Tara hesitated a moment, but followed her quietly. No matter how angry they were, no matter that they were fighting, she wouldn't let the redhead wander around alone in the dark and get herself killed.

Willow had pulled on shoes and a jacket, the coat obviously one of Xander's that had been left at the house, but was walking so quickly that she paid no notice to Tara's step echoing behind her. Tara couldn't help but wonder at Willow's subconscious as the redhead led her through three cemeteries and the destroyed high school campus. By the time they had circled all of downtown Tara had let herself follow more closely as the redhead started to walk more slowly, Willow still not hearing her. They were in what Tara hoped was the last cemetery of the night when a vampire came out of nowhere, made a running leap, and tackled Willow to the ground.

The redhead shoved at the vampire but didn't use a spell, struggling to drive her knee into his stomach and roll him to the side. He was on his feet before she was, but Tara was there a second later, stake driving through the vampire's heart before he could get back to Willow.

"Tara?" the redhead asked in confusion. "What are you - why are you here?"

"Why didn't you burn him?" Tara asked instead, frowning and coughing on the dust still in the air.

Willow huffed in frustration, sitting up and dusting herself off as she ignored Tara's hand extended to help her up. "What are you doing out here? It's dangerous! You could get hurt!"

"Like you, with the not fighting back? Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Tara responded heatedly, getting in Willow's face as she felt herself get angry again even as her heart thundered in her ears and her knees felt weak with sharp relief.

"I was just trying to do what you said!" Willow protested.

"By letting a vampire bite you?" Tara demanded. "That's what you got out of what I said? You didn't even have a stake!"

"He didn't bite me!" Willow retorted. "Maybe I should have let him!"

Tara couldn't stop herself from shoving Willow back, the redhead stumbling on the gravestone behind her and dropping to sit on top of it. "Don't even think it," Tara growled. "Do whatever you think you need to do to punish me, but do not _ever_ even think about letting yourself get killed."

"Punish you? That's what my dying is? Your punishment?" Willow shot back, pushing herself back to her feet, the minimal space between Tara and herself leaving their chests pressed together as they both breathed hard. Willow abruptly wilted, her shoulders slumping. "I'm not going to hurt you, Tara. I'd rather die first."

"Is that what you were trying to do tonight?" Tara asked, voice just as soft as the redhead's.

"No!" Willow insisted. "Tonight I was distracted! I was walking and thinking and I got distracted! That's all, Tara!"

The blonde sighed, fingers itching to trace through Willow's hair. "Will you listen to me?" she asked softly. Willow looked up slowly, eyes wide. "Break my heart if you have to, but do _not __**ever**_ let yourself die. You fight back."

"Tara, I don't _want_ to break your heart!" Willow protested. "I'd rather go through anything, any pain or torture, than break your heart."

"I don't want you to be in pain, Willow!" Tara stated firmly.

The redhead sat back down suddenly, her body slumping forward. Her voice was muffled as her forehead leaned against Tara's stomach, but her hands came up to hold the blonde's hips. "What do you want from me, Tara? I'm trying here!"

"I'm scared _for _you! You're, with the amount of magic you've been using. I'm worried that you can't stop," Tara said, her hands sliding through the back of her girlfriend's hair.

"I'll try! I swear! I'll do anything!" Willow agreed immediately. "You want me to stop? I'm stopped! No more magic for me!"

Tara sighed, leaning over to press her lips to the back of Willow's head, her hair soft against her skin and she let her eyes close. "I just want you to slow down, be careful."

"I will, I am. I'll stop," Willow rambled, voice still muffled as her fingers wound themselves into the fabric of the waistband of Tara's pants. "Just, I don't want to fight anymore. I don't like not being right with you, Tara."

The blonde nodded, pressing another kiss to Willow's head. "I know. Me too, sweetie," she agreed softly.

Willow lifted her head slowly, meeting her eyes. "Can we be alright again then?" she asked hopefully. "I promise, no spells. Not ever if you don't want me to."

Tara sighed, dropping to crouch in front of Willow, bringing herself closer to the redhead's seated height. "I don't want you to just go along with me because you don't want to fight, Willow. Do you understand what I'm afraid of?" The witch didn't answer, just swallowed thickly. "I'm afraid I'm going to lose you, that you'll do something, go too far, and I'll have to leave. I don't want it to come to that." She heaved a deep breath and dropped to sit on the cold ground, her back against a headstone.

There was a long moment of silence and she spoke again, voice hoarse. "I don't think I ever told you this, about my m-mom, but she was addicted. I told you she was strong like you, and she was, but she let it go too far…" She took a shuddering breath and Willow slid down from the gravestone to sit beside her.

It took the redhead a second to work up the nerve, but she picked up Tara's hand, holding it between her own. "Your hands are cold," she commented quietly.

"It's cold out here," Tara agreed. "The magic, it drove my mother away. She thought she could keep going, get whatever she wanted." She squeezed her eyes closed as long buried emotions rose up. "That's why my dad started, why he…"

"Shh," Willow whispered, knowing how hard it was for Tara to talk about her father, the suffering she'd endured at his hand.

"He thought I-I'd b-be like h-her," Tara said shakily, turning her head to meet Willow's eyes. "T-that's what h-he, that's w-why he…" Her breathing was shuddery and she leaned unconsciously into Willow's supporting shoulder. No matter if they were butting heads, Willow was her strength.

"Shh, sweetheart," Willow whispered, curling her knees to her chest and pinning Tara's hand between her thighs to warm it up, curling her arm around her lover's shoulders. "He's never going to touch you again," she promised, pressing her lips to Tara's hair. "I love you," she whispered without lifting her head. "Is that okay to say?"

Tara nodded, curling her fingers around the redhead's leg. "Always," she breathed. An involuntary shiver trembled down her spine as a cool breeze washed over them. "Can w-we go home?"

Willow nodded, reluctantly separating herself from Tara and helping the blonde to her feet. Once Tara was upright though, she dropped her hands, fingers playing with the edges of her flannel pants. "Home sounds like a good idea," she conceded, glancing down sheepishly at her pajamas.

Tara mustered a small smile, but didn't speak. Willow cocked her head back in the direction of the house and the blonde fell into step beside her, walking in silence. Willow was paying attention to where she was going now and their route was less circuitous.

The house was dark, the Summers sisters each in their rooms. Buffy was moving in her room, but the door was closed and Willow hesitated for only a moment before she followed Tara into their room. The sheets were still jerked back, left over from their fight earlier. Tara put her shoes away, brushing her hair again. It was part of her nightly preparations for bed and she wanted to give herself a moment.

Willow watched her from the bathroom door, her arms wrapped around her middle. Tara was worried about her, scared about her. It was pounding around in her brain. Her lover, her other half, her everything, was scared. Of her. She considered speaking to Tara again but she heaved a deep breath and slid under the blankets on the bed, lying on her side and watching Tara finish with her hair and put the brush back into its place. Their eyes met as Tara turned, the blonde giving her a weak smile before she moved to the light switch and clicked it off, leaving them in darkness.

The bed shifted as Tara slipped in, but Willow resisted her normal move of sliding back into Tara's arms. The space between them was unnatural and unwanted. Willow's brain was still working, distracting her, and she jumped as Tara's hand slipped over her side. She started to recoil, but Willow caught her. "Sorry. I didn't mean to jump, baby."

"It's okay?" Tara said, the statement coming out as a question.

Willow moved slower than she normally did, but was quite deliberate as she squirmed further into Tara's arms. "Please, don't let me go."

Tara took a shuddery breath, shaking her head against the back of Willow's neck. "No," she whispered into the darkness. Willow curled closer into the curve of her body, the familiar feel of her lover in her arms driving away the discomfort. Whatever was going on between them would look better in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

_And in the middle of the flood I felt my worth  
When you held onto me like I was your little life raft  
Please know that you were mine as well_

Willow didn't realize how much she'd come to rely on magic until she tried to stay off it. Everything took longer, beginning with her morning routine. She was still in the shower when she heard the door open, someone coming into the bathroom. "Tara?" she questioned, her eyes closed as she leaned back into the raining water to wash the shampoo from her hair.

"Yes, sweetheart," the blonde answered from the other side of the curtain, her voice distracted.

Willow sighed, knowing that she was running late. No more five minute mornings for her. "Sorry I'm late, babe. I'm hurrying."

"It's okay. I told Buffy and Dawn we'd meet them at the Magic Box," Tara said around her toothbrush.

Willow finished up as quickly as she could, muttering a curse when she cut herself in her rush to finish shaving her legs.

"What happened?" Tara asked.

"I cut myself," Willow grumbled. "It's not too bad," she assured her.

"Let me see," Tara requested.

Willow giggled, the sound surprising and relaxed. "I'm sort of naked in here, remember?"

Tara laughed herself as Willow's leg emerged from the edge of the shower curtain. "It's nothing I haven't seen before, you know." The cut was minor but on her shin, and long, blood sliding down the curve of her calf. "It's really bleeding, sweetie," Tara cautioned her, dabbing the blood away with a faded towel. The Slayer's house had no shortage of bloodstained rags.

"You can bandage it up for me if you'd like," Willow offered, tone almost flirtatious and she wondered where the tension from the night before had gone. Even her frustration with how long her routine was taking was driven away in the daylight, the light of Tara's obvious caring and love.

Tara let her pull her leg back into the shower, the water turning off a few minutes later. Willow didn't bother with trying to reach a towel before she got out of the shower, taking the one Tara extended to her with a shy smile that didn't entirely match her own uncaring display of her body. The blonde watched her dry herself off and wrap the towel around her chest before she moved, already having pulled the antiseptic and a pair of band-aids from the medicine cabinet.

"Sit down," the blonde prompted, her hands on Willow's hips to help her up onto the counter. Willow held the top of her towel closed as Tara smeared the medicine on the cut and put the band-aids in place. She glanced up at the redhead as she finished, her hands sliding up her girlfriend's thighs.

"Are we okay?" The words were out of Willow's lips before she realized that it was bothering her. On the surface everything seemed okay, but she needed it to really be okay.

Tara met her eyes straight on, fingers tightening slightly on Willow's legs, though not painfully. "That's up to you, Willow."

"Let me get this straight," Willow started, her hand still holding the towel at her chest. "Are you going to leave me if I don't stop using magic?"

Tara sighed, her eyes closing. "No," she breathed. Leaving Willow was not something she could contemplate rationally. She could only imagine what it would take to drive her away, but the thought filled her with horror. "I just need us to be honest with each other. If I couldn't trust you…"

"You can," Willow interjected earnestly. "You can trust me, Tara."

"And I can be honest with you?"

Willow nodded. "I wish you would."

Tara took another deep breath, her eyes opening. "Then, honestly, I'm scared of how much magic you've been using lately. I'm scared it's going to drive you away from me."

"And you want me to stop?"

"I know you need to protect Buffy, and Xander…"

"And you," Willow added.

Tara smiled despite herself, one corner of her distracted mind noticing that Willow was still naked. "And me," she agreed softly. "And I know you use magic to do that. It's the other stuff you've been using it for that makes me nervous." She swallowed, feeling her pulse quicken. "T-that's how it s-started. With m-my mother-r."

Willow sighed, leaning forward to hug her. Tara leaned into the support without questioning it, Willow's knees curling around her hips. "I'll stop. I won't hurt you like that." She curled her arms around Tara's back, the blonde's head pressed to her shoulder. "I promise."

Tara nodded, curling her arms around Willow's back, feeling the soft terry cloth under her hands. They both took comfort in the embrace, Tara's quiet laugh breaking the quiet. "You're naked," she commented.

"Cause you've never hugged me when I'm naked?" Willow asked, giggling herself.

Tara turned her head just enough to get her lips into contact with Willow's skin, pale and freckled. She pressed a kiss there, hearing Willow's sharp inhale over her head as she let her lips linger. "No, not that. We just are normally wearing clothes when we're having serious conversations." She leaned back, Willow's hands barely catching her towel. "How's your leg?" Tara asked, prudently dropping her eyes to the covered cut on her lover's leg.

"It's fine," Willow said. "What about us?"

Tara looked back at her, the redhead's fingers fidgeting with the edge of her towel. "We're fine, Willow."

Willow smiled tightly, one hand reaching forward to drag down Tara's arm. "That's okay for now," she said. "I'm shooting for more than 'fine' though." She curled her fingers around the blonde's wrist. "We'll get back there, right?"

"Of course we will, Willow," Tara agreed, voice soft.

"It's going to be a lot of work though, isn't it?" Willow asked.

Tara took an involuntary deep breath. "Probably," she conceded. "It'll be worth it though, won't it?"

Willow gave her a reproachful look. "Being with you…Tara, being with you is worth anything. Anything I have to give up." She swallowed thickly. "Is it too personal…" She hesitated and Tara gave her a minute head shake, prompting her to go on. "What's magic withdrawal like?" Tara's next breath was shuddery, her eyes sad. She turned her wrist over and held Willow's hand. "Honestly," Willow added. "If you can talk about it, of course."

"N-no, it's o-okay," Tara assured her. "And h-honestly, it's n-not p-pretty, Willow. Not t-that my m-mom ever m-made it. She t-tried though. Once or twice." She squeezed the hand in hers. "S-shakes, night s-sweats, insomnia. And I'll be there, Willow. I won't leave you alone for this, any of it." Her voice grew steady under the weight of her resolve. Willow was her partner, no matter what happened. "Okay?"

"Okay," Willow whispered, nodding. She blinked in surprise when Tara let out a huff of frustration. "What? You'll still love me if I'm a little sweaty and shaky, right?"

Tara gave her a swat to the leg for her effort. "I love you, Willow, no matter what." She stroked her hand over the site of the slap, feeling the skin warm under her fingers.

"Then what's wrong?" Willow asked, leaning forward with a frown.

Tara shook her head, glancing down at her hand on Willow's leg. "I just…it feels a little like you're just agreeing to go along with what I want because you don't want to fight."

Willow sighed heavily, kicking her feet lightly against the bathroom cabinets below her. "I don't know, Tara. I mean, you're getting what you want. Isn't that enough?" Tara groaned, her hand leaving Willow's leg to cover her eyes. "Okay, no, I didn't mean that," Willow continued quickly. "Come on, look at me, please," she requested, lifting her hand to pull Tara's down. "Honey, obviously you're scared about this. And that means something, okay? I know you trust me, but I can't imagine what you went through watching your mother…" She swallowed thickly. "If you're scared, then so am I, okay Tara?"

The blonde nodded wordlessly and Willow shifted on the countertop. "I'll let you get dressed," Tara said, moving back quickly.

Willow hopped down off the counter, one hand still holding her towel around her chest. "Hey, so, we've kind of been misfiring the last few weeks…"

Tara followed her as the redhead walked toward their room, the witch shedding her towel as soon as they were in the bedroom while Tara shut the door with a smile. "Yeah, we have," she agreed reluctantly.

"Since Buffy got back," Willow said. "And it sucks."

"Yeah," Tara agreed slowly, not sure what the redhead was driving toward. "You've got an idea to fix it?"

"I do," Willow agreed cheerfully. "I want you to go out with me."

Tara laughed, retrieving Willow's discarded towel and folding it as she carried it to the hamper. "Um, honey, I think we're a little bit past going out as far as our relationship goes." Willow gave her a questioning look over her shoulder and the blonde continued. "You saved me from my father, from staying insane for the rest of my life…"

Willow turned to look at her, still only half dressed but beyond caring. "Tara, you don't think that you owe me anything, do you?"

The blonde shrugged, taking a seat on the edge of their bed. "No, I mean, not really…"

"Really not really?" Willow asked, not convinced. "Tara, you have done more for me than you could ever imagine. You're the woman that I love, Tara. I fell in _love_ with you. And do you know what else? As amazing as that feels, even better than that, _you_ love me too." As she spoke, she crossed the room with a shirt in her hands. "I could never do anything to compete with that." She smiled. "Doesn't mean I'm not going to try, though."

Tara leaned forward a bit and kissed her briefly, her hands taking the shirt from her and shaking it out, holding open the neck for her. "You're pretty determined not to wear clothes today, aren't you?"

Willow shrugged, ducking her head through the hole. "From your perspective, is that really such a bad thing?" she asked teasingly.

Tara smiled crookedly, shaking her head. "No, not a bad thing. Just sort of illegal if we're actually going outside."

Willow smiled, tucking her arms through the sleeves of her t-shirt. "So, you'll go out with me?" she asked eagerly.

Tara laughed, combing her fingers through the redhead's mussed hair. "Of course I will, Willow. You know you don't have to ask me to go out with you."

Willow shrugged, her thighs leaning against the edge of the bed as Tara's knees spread to let her closer. "I don't want to take you for granted, Tara."

The blonde shook her head. "You don't."

Willow smiled hopefully. "So, breakfast?" She caught a glimpse of the clock and corrected herself. "Or lunch, rather?" She bit her lip. "Sorry it took me so long to get ready."

"It's alright," Tara said easily, hands resting on the backs of her girlfriend's legs. Willow gasped suddenly, Tara cocking an eyebrow at her. "What?"

The redhead was frowning down at her hand and Tara noticed that her lover's fingers were trembling. "I didn't expect it to start this soon," Willow said without looking up, her voice hoarse. "It hasn't even been a day." Her expression was serious when she looked up, Tara taking her hand between both of her own.

"Does it hurt?" Tara asked, Willow's fingers stretching shakily as she tried to stop the trembling. Willow shook her head, swallowing. "You're sure?" There was a strange expression on Willow's face and Tara wasn't sure she liked it.

"I'm done," Willow whispered, her eyes dropping to her hand as she slid it back out of Tara's grip and held it steady with an effort, fingers stiff and straight. "If I can't go _one day _without it, I'm done." She swallowed, trying to wet her dry throat. "I mean, it's only going to get worse from here, right?"

Tara pursed her lips, one hand lifting to Willow's cheek. "I'm afraid so, sweetheart."

Willow shook her head. "Then I'm done. I'll tell Buffy that we're going to be witchless…"

"You don't have to do that, Willow. I can patrol with everyone…" Tara paused. "Unless you…"

"I don't expect you to stop, Tara," Willow answered before she could ask. "You're not the one with a problem." She found Tara's hand on her face, pulling it around to kiss the back of it. "If you're patrolling, I'm coming too, though."

Tara nodded, her hand moving to Willow's neck and guiding her in until their foreheads touched. "I guess you don't want to go out anymore," she said reluctantly. "If you're not feeling well."

Willow blinked, her fingers trembling again against Tara's hand. "Of course I do," she stated. "What do you want for lunch? Anything you want, it's yours."

Tara gave her a kiss, surprised but not displeased when Willow's lips parted and sucked her bottom lip in. Willow squeezed the hand under hers, her other arm curling around the blonde's neck, her fingers sliding through her hair. Tara curled her free arm around the redhead's waist, pulling her closer. Willow's hands trembled again, tightening in her lover's hair. She broke the kiss suddenly, growling in frustration. "Sorry," she breathed, pulling her hands back.

Tara didn't let her pull her body back, holding onto her waist. "It's okay," Tara assured her softly. "Honey, I'm going to help you. Anything you need."

Willow was glaring impotently at her hands and she shook her head, still obviously annoyed. "No, Tara, I'm not going to let you get punished because I let this get out of control. You shouldn't have to deal with this…"

"I'll deal with anything you deal with," Tara interrupted her. "Willow, look at me," she directed, speaking again only once the green eyes were back on hers. "You're my girl. It's a simple idea, but it's everything. And it means that anything that affects you affects me too." She loosened one hand to reach for Willow's. The digits were still trembling and Tara brushed her fingers gently over the back of Willow's hand. "You're going to be fine," she whispered.

"You can't promise me that," Willow responded, voice almost inaudible. What was unspoken was obvious. It was going to get worse before anyone was fine.

"I'm promising myself that then," Tara returned instantly. Willow blinked at her and Tara gave her a strained smile. "I don't want to do any of this without you, Willow." Her smile became more natural. "And I've never seen you come up against anything you couldn't do."

"Any of what?" Willow asked thoughtfully.

Tara shrugged. "Pretty much all of it," she said vaguely. "You make everything in my life better, Willow."

"Not lately," the redhead said, her shoulders slumping. Tara started to protest and Willow shook her head. "I mean, it's not like Buffy dying didn't almost tear all of us apart."

"You held us together," Tara said.

"And I thought so many times that it was going to cost me you, Tara," Willow confessed, something they'd both thought in the back of their minds before, but it had never been stated so plainly before. "I'm not saying it so you'll tell me that you're not going to leave," she continued quickly. "Honestly, if it gets bad for me, it might be better if you were elsewhere."

Tara frowned at her. "What are you saying?" If Willow was really saying what she thought, this wasn't the time for any misunderstanding.

"I'm saying that you're off the hook, Tara," Willow said, voice unmistakably nervous.

Tara got to her feet and stepped around Willow, hearing the redhead suck in a shuddering breath. She closed her eyes, feeling tears slide down her cheek. "You h-haven't listened t-to a w-word I said," she accused, curling both arms around herself. She heard Willow turn behind her, but didn't move herself. "T-there's nothing t-that I w-wouldn't do for y-you, Willow. And I'm n-not leaving u-unless you m-make me."

Willow moved, her arms sliding around the blonde's waist slowly, the touch almost hesitant. Her arms were trembling now, but it took her a second to realize that it wasn't because of her impending magical withdrawal, but because she was crying. Tara turned in a heartbeat, folding the redhead into her arms. "P-please, d-don't l-leave," Willow gasped, burying her face in the blonde's shoulder. "I l-love you."

Tara nodded against the top of her lover's hair, arms holding her up. "I k-know, Willow. I'm n-not g-going anywhere." Willow's arms curled around her waist, clinging. "I'm h-here, Willow. It's o-okay. I'm here." She trailed her hands down the redhead's back, Willow's face invisible as it was pressed into her chest. "Why are you c-crying, sweetheart?"

When Willow cried she had the ability to do it without noise, only trembling and deep breathing. Tara tried to remember if it had always been something the redhead was capable of doing, or if it had developed during the horrible summer after Buffy died. Even now, she was already calming herself down, wiping her eyes with one hand and steadying her breathing. Tara had to wonder if Willow even realized that she was doing it. It had become second nature those long, lonely months.

"I'm okay," Willow breathed, snuffling a little bit. She gave a weak smile. "Thank you." She kept her arms around Tara but loosened her hold slightly. "I d-don't know what I'd have done if you'd walked out the door," she confessed.

Tara shook her head against Willow's. "I already said I'm not going anywhere," she said. "Not unless you send me away."

"I need you," Willow replied, her eyes meeting Tara's almost guiltily.

Tara gave her a small crooked smile. "Good, because I need you too."

Willow's eyes and nose were red and she grimaced. "We don't have to go out. I'm sure I'm looking rough. Sorry, baby."

Tara shook her head, leaning forward to kiss between her eyes. "You look beautiful," she whispered. "And I'm going to take care of you. That means that we're getting something to eat," she clarified. "You're too skinny, my love." She gave Willow a poke between the ribs, teasing. She was relieved when it drew a genuine smile from the redhead. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.

Willow swallowed, nodding. "Yes. Let me just wash my face and we can go," she said, reluctantly dropping her hands and taking two steps back.

Tara stayed quiet, watching her go back into the bathroom before she went downstairs. It was a beautiful day, still early Fall, not that that mattered so much in California. It was starting to get cool at night, but it was still midday and the weather was gorgeous. Tara wandered onto the front porch, leaving the door open behind her.

If Willow was already showing symptoms of withdrawal, after less than a day of not using any spells, then things were worse than she'd expected. She cringed as she thought about how bad it would be after a week, after a month. If it was bad enough, Willow might really be done with magic if she didn't want to risk a relapse. The question of whether her partner could endure the recovery wasn't one she asked herself. Willow was strong. Stronger than her mother had ever been. If anyone could do this, it was Willow. The alternatives simply weren't comprehensible.


	3. Chapter 3

_Something was bound to go right sometime today  
All these broken pieces fit together to make a perfect picture of us_

The redhead's steps were slow on the stairs and she laughed unexpectedly as she joined Tara on the porch, pulling the door closed behind her. "What are you laughing at, cutie?" Tara asked, giving her a smile.

"Is it just me, or is that couple singing?" Willow asked, lowering her voice as the couple she pointed out was walking down the sidewalk in front of the house.

Tara listened, glancing down as Willow's arm curled through her own. "I think they are," she agreed, smiling at her.

Willow leaned up and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "That's a little weird," she commented. "Ready to go?"

They saw more people singing as they walked through the town, too many for it to just be some sort of enjoyment of the weather or citywide exuberance. One of their fellow diner patrons started singing about his check and they exchanged glances. Something was definitely going on.

They found the others at the Magic Box, though they didn't appear to be worried about anything so they joined the others doing homework and just hanging out around the store. Buffy came in later on asking about singing and the others revealed that they'd been having musical episodes during the day as well.

Willow was frowning as she realized that she and Tara were the only ones that hadn't had an outburst of song. Tara noticed the perplexed look, but they didn't have time to talk before the others were singing. Both suddenly felt compelled to join in for a verse, cementing the fact that something was very wrong in Sunnydale.

Willow could feel the magic's pull on her even as they finished singing. There was something magical behind this and she wondered if she'd have been able to feel it as strongly if she wasn't wanting it. She let out a tired breath, her fingers trembling again unconsciously. Her knee was bouncing under the table and Tara's hand settled onto her thigh, the blonde giving her a comforting smile while the others noticed nothing out of the ordinary.

They settled in to investigate the singing menace, each waiting anxiously for the next song to start. Dawn arrived from school and it was the cue Willow needed to excuse herself, leaving the shop with barely a word. Tara made an excuse and left just after her, leaving the others to the research. Willow hadn't gone far, but Tara didn't speak as she caught up, just kept Willow's pace and let the redhead guide them where she would.

There were more singers in the park and Willow took Tara's hand as they crossed a scenic bridge. "So, what do you think is causing the singing?" she asked, breaking the silence.

Tara shrugged, smiling. "We'll figure it out." She glanced around as a couple started dancing together across the grass. "It's kind of fun until we do."

Willow smiled despite herself. "I wish you'd sing," she confessed.

Tara blinked, taking a surprised breath. "You want me to sing?"

Willow blushed, nodding. "Yeah…I mean, yeah. You sing beautifully." She ducked her head in embarrassment. "Sometimes you sing around the house when you're cleaning, or in the mornings when you think I'm still asleep." She glanced up shyly. "Why do you think we haven't sung away from the others?" She said it almost like she was ashamed, embarrassed that they hadn't been affected the same way as everyone else.

Tara stayed quiet, thinking it over seriously. "Well…from the way everyone was acting at the shop, I have a guess." She leaned over, pressing a kiss to Willow's cheek and speaking softly into her ear. "We d-don't have any s-secrets."

Willow blinked, smiling happily. "You think so?"

"Yes," Tara agreed, combing her fingers through Willow's hair. "Xander and Anya, Buffy, they're all hiding something." She leaned her head against her partner's temple, breathing slowly. "It's coming out in the songs." She pressed a kiss to Willow's cheek. "That's what music does."

Willow leaned into the embrace, Tara's lips warm against her skin. "Yesterday we would have had something to sing about."

"But not anymore."

The redhead nodded slowly, leaning back to meet Tara's eyes. "No. No secrets from you. Not again." Tara kissed her then, fingers curling through soft red hair while Willow's hands slid around her waist, pulling her closer. They kept the kiss slow, Willow leaning her head against Tara's chest as they separated. "I still wish you'd sing, though," she said, voice quietly teasing.

Tara smiled crookedly, hugging Willow. "Well, you're sweet. I'll sing for you anytime you want. I don't need to be under a magical influence to sing for you."

"Can you feel it?" Willow asked suddenly, her jaw tightening at the reminder.

Tara shook her head, frowning down at the back of Willow's head. "Feel what? Are you okay?"

Willow broke away from her, fidgeting and wiggling her arms. "The magic. It's everywhere we go. It's in the air right now. All over town." She shook her head, sending her hair falling over her face. "It's _buzzing_, Tara."

The blonde was still frowning and she curled her arms around her middle, watching Willow pace in the grass. Willow's symptoms of withdrawal were coming quickly, more quickly than she'd expected. Whatever was causing the singing was evidently affecting Willow despite the fact that neither of them had felt driven to sing once they were away from the group.

"I can't feel it," Tara told her regretfully, sure that Willow had figured out what was going on. "I doubt I'm as sensitive to it as you are right now. Do you want to go? We could get out of town, or…"

"We can't leave," Willow interjected. "We just have to find whatever's doing this and stop it." She was talking fast, pacing and kicking at the dry leaves in the grass.

Tara watched her for a few moments before stepping in her path, catching both arms with her hands. "Okay, I have an idea," she said. "I don't know where the singing is coming from, but I have an idea to make you feel better."

Willow nodded, swallowing. "Okay, yeah, what is it?" she asked restlessly, closing both eyes as Tara's hands rubbed her arms soothingly. "I'm okay," she said through gritted teeth. "Thank you."

"Of course," Tara murmured. "Let's sit down," she prompted, guiding Willow down with her.

"Here?" Willow questioned, looking around the park.

Tara shrugged. "It's a nice day." She settled in front of Willow with a smile. "And being outside will help."

"Help what?" Willow asked, shaking her head distractedly.

Tara let out a deep breath, sitting up on her knees and moving around Willow so she was behind her. Willow turned her head to look at her, blinking when Tara's arm came over her shoulder and pulled her back to lean against herself. "Is it still buzzing?" Tara asked softly, feeling Willow relax against her. "We're going to concentrate, okay?"

"On what?" Willow asked hoarsely, swallowing.

"On the grass," Tara said, speaking slowly, voice soft. "We're going to focus on the grass and we're going to take deep breaths, okay?"

Willow laughed shakily. "Okay. We're going to concentrate on grass," she repeated. "What's that going to accomplish?"

Tara traced her free hand through Willow's hair before she answered, her other hand resting over the redhead's heart. "It's a distraction. It'll give you a focus that isn't the magic. Will you at least try it?"

Willow nodded, putting both hands down in the grass and tried to focus on the individual blades as they brushed her skin. The magical pull of the whatever-it-was that was making the whole town sing was pushed to the back of her mind as she concentrated on the touch of the grass. "It tickles," she whispered with a giggle and Tara smiled behind her. It took time, but Willow tightened her focus to a single blade, tracing its dimensions with her finger and then with her mind. Gradually she became aware of something else, another feeling in the grass. It took her a moment to realize what it was and she sucked in a surprised breath when it became clear.

"What is it, sweetie?" Tara whispered in her ear and Willow opened her eyes, only then realizing that she'd closed them.

"I can feel it," Willow breathed.

"It's not working?" Tara asked, pausing when Willow shook her head.

"No, it is," she said softly. "I can feel it, Tara."

"Feel what?"

"Life. I can feel the life in the grass. But it's not just in the grass, it goes deeper than that, and it's everywhere, all over the planet." She turned her head to meet Tara's eyes, surprised to see tears. "What? What's wrong?" She sat up quickly, turning. "Tara? Do you know what's happening?"

Tara smiled, leaning forward to kiss her. Willow blinked in surprise, but didn't resist kissing her back, relieved by the smile. "You felt that?" Tara breathed as they separated.

Willow nodded, trying to catch her breath. "I always feel it when you kiss me, Tara."

The blonde shook her head, laughing breathily. "No, I mean, I know that, baby," she said, blushing. "I meant the other thing, the life you were talking about."

"Oh," Willow said, looking down at the grass under them. "It's amazing."

"It is," Tara agreed, watching the look of wonder on Willow's face.

"You've felt it," Willow realized, looking at her. Tara nodded, smiling gently at her. "This is what magic has always felt like to you, isn't it?" Tara didn't speak, just put her hand over Willow's in the grass. "That's why I was scaring you."

"Scared _for_ you," Tara corrected her patiently. "But we've always had different styles, sweetie. It doesn't mean we're not perfect for each other."

The redhead nodded, playing with the grass. "I've always gotten the processes that go along with casting spells. It was like a formula, easy. But the connection part of it is always the part that's given me trouble. The _feeling _of it. That's what's always escaped me." She sighed, brushing her hand through the grass again. "I wish I'd known what I was missing. I've been an idiot for all these years."

Tara pursed her lips, shaking her head. "Willow…" she chided gently. "You're not an idiot."

"Will you teach me?" Willow asked her. "I want to feel how you feel about it."

Tara nodded, curling her fingers through her girlfriend's. "Of course I will. Did it help? Can you still feel the buzzing?"

Willow tried to think, swallowing. "Yes, but it's easier to distract myself now. Thank you."

"Of course," Tara said softly. "You're feeling better?"

Willow nodded, squeezing Tara's hand. "I'm better." She started to say more, but stopped herself. She knew that her withdrawal was going to get worse, complaining on the first day would do neither of them any good. "Can we keep going though?"

Tara smiled and sat back again. "Of course we can." She settled into the grass and Willow followed her, squirming into the space between her knees. Willow relaxed against her and closed her eyes, her fingers in the grass. Tara watched her, the tension warring with the wonder of Willow's new discovery on her face. She traced her fingers through the redhead's hair, laughing softly as Willow moaned.

"That's _very_ distracting," Willow whispered.

Tara smiled, her lips against her partner's ear. "Focus, sweetie," she reminded her teasingly.

Willow's eyes blinked open and she leaned her head back against the blonde's shoulder. "Could I do it to you?" she asked.

Tara blushed, her mouth opening in surprise. "Uh, Willow, we're in the park…"

"Not _that_," Willow said, laughing. "I mean, I'd love to later, maybe, if you want to, but I meant the other thing, the feeling the grass' life thing. Could I feel yours?"

Tara swallowed, pressing a kiss to Willow's cheek where she could reach. "It's not as simple as the grass, but yes, I can teach you how to do it."

"Neat," Willow said cheerfully. Something occurred to her suddenly and she turned her head to meet her eyes. "Wait, that's not too personal, is it? I mean, I know I've seen you, all of you, but this is a little different, and if you don't want me to see that part of you, I promise it's not going to…"

Tara stopped her with a kiss, Willow pushing closer and using her hand on the ground as leverage. Even in the midst of everything, this didn't change. The way she felt in Tara's arms, it was better even than the sensation the discovery of true magic could give her. They broke apart reluctantly as two passing guys gave them encouraging catcalls, both girls breathing hard.

"You can see any part of me, Willow," Tara whispered, leaning her forehead against the redhead's neck. "You already do." She blushed as she realized how it sounded and smiled crookedly. "You know what I mean."

"I know what you mean," Willow agreed, smiling. "And I'm glad you trust me that much."

Tara's eyes met hers. "I trust you, Willow." It was a simple statement, but it said everything.


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, this one is the reason for the rating, so just be aware - don't read it if you don't like it!

* * *

_I chase my blood from brain to thumped heart  
Until I'm out of breath for trying_

As she'd expected, things got worse before they got better. She could control the hand trembling during the day, but nights were the worst. At first it felt like they passed slowly, so slowly that Willow could count the minutes. Then it got worse. Within two weeks of no magic, she couldn't sleep at all, only count the minutes until daybreak.

Tara had been teaching her about how to connect to the energy of living things, to experience magic the way she had with the grass, though Willow was careful to never cast a spell, just meditate on it and increase her focus. Sometimes though, it felt like a blessing and a curse simultaneously. She was growing in knowledge and appreciation of what magic really was, what she'd been blind to for so long, but her new awareness made it that much harder to resist using spells. She knew giving it up was helping her though, so she preserved.

It didn't make it any less frustrating to be sleepless. Tara was sleeping beside her and she tried to resist the urge to fidget and move, not wanting to wake her up. Her partner had already proven herself to be an angel, never complaining once when Willow had woken her up thrashing, or screaming as she tried to fight the urge to cast, to give the magic burning in her veins an outlet.

Normally, the focus on her new area of learning gave her a distraction from the almost overwhelming compulsion to surrender to the magic, to give it free reign. It took extreme focus, but she could occasionally push it down long enough to do something besides _want_ it. Tara was carrying her school workload, the redhead much too distracted to do it on her own. She'd skipped the first two weeks of school after she'd started her recovery, but even now that she was back in class, concentration was too much to muster. Sitting quietly in class was all she could manage.

Unfortunately, lying quiet and still might be beyond her tonight. Her skin felt like it was itching, her toes positively tingling and her hair sensitive to the slightest movement. Tara shifted beside her and Willow felt like she was going to scream.

"Are you okay, baby?" Tara asked, obviously sleepy, turning over and blinking at her in the dark.

Willow nodded, flexing and relaxing her fingers against the sheets. "I'm okay." Tara's warmth as she shifted closer was almost scalding and Willow sat up.

Tara let out a deep breath, curling back onto her side. "What is it tonight?" she asked softly. She was familiar by now with Willow's variety of symptoms, ranging from trembling and sweating, to screaming and crying uncontrollably.

"I feel itchy all over. And it's too hot. It's like I'm feverish." Willow wasn't looking at her, but she reached back with one hand to touch Tara's knee through the blankets. "I swear it wasn't you."

"I know," Tara interjected, covering Willow's hand with her own, but withdrew it a few seconds later. "Do you think it might be cooler downstairs?"

"Yeah, but you don't have to come. You should get some sleep, baby." She slid out of the bed and Tara followed her, drawing her eyes. "Really, Tara, you should sleep." She leaned over and gave her girlfriend a slow kiss. "I promise you that it's fine. Lay back down."

Tara shook her head slowly, smiling in the darkness. "I don't want to sleep without you. Come on. I'll scratch your back," she coaxed.

Willow smiled helplessly but didn't say anything as Tara followed her downstairs after taking a moment to slide on a pair of slippers. Tara waited for her to sit where she wanted to sit, spinning one finger with a smile to show Willow to turn. The redhead obeyed, leaning her head forward as Tara scratched her back gently. "Harder?" the blonde asked softly, smiling when Willow nodded, the redhead's breathing shaky.

"Not just my back," Willow pleaded, needing the relief of sensation. "Please…"

Tara nodded, letting her nails drag where they would. She blew cool air on the back of Willow's neck, sweat shining on freckled skin in the dim light through the window. Willow slumped back into her and Tara moved back, letting Willow stretch out on the couch, her head finally settling in Tara's lap. She couldn't do anything but whimper as Tara kept touching her, short nails dragging over both arms and the top of her chest, across her neck. Her whole body tensed like a bow when the fingers moved into her hair, her feet pressing against the far side of the couch as her back arched helplessly, a strangled groan ripping itself from her throat.

"That," she gasped. "Keep doing that."

Tara nodded, hushing her quietly. "It's okay, sweetie. I won't stop."

A moment later though, her words were disproved as the front door opened, Buffy letting herself in. The noise drew their attention, Willow sitting up on one elbow to look at her friend. Buffy jumped as the witch cleared her throat, the Slayer pressing one hand over her chest. "What are you doing down here?" she demanded, voice a hissing whisper.

"I couldn't sleep," Willow said, frowning in confusion. "We thought you were upstairs."

Buffy shrugged out of her coat, fidgeting with it uncomfortably. "Oh, um, I couldn't sleep either. I went out…patrolling." Her weight shifted between her feet and she hung her coat up. "I'm tired now, though, so I'm going to go…to bed." She waved awkwardly. "Night."

The witches watched her go, Willow turning her head to look at her girlfriend. "Was it because I'm going slowly nuts, or did she seem a little weird to you?"

Tara tightened her fingers in Willow's hair warningly. "You're _not_ nuts, Will." She loosened her hands as Willow let her head fall back. "But you're right, she did seem a little off tonight. Maybe the vampires were rough on her."

"Do you think I should go after her?" Willow asked, her eyes closed as she leaned into her lover's touch. She couldn't think past the feelings Tara's fingers on her scalp were causing. "Oh God, baby, that feels…" She lost her breath suddenly, eyes squeezed closed tightly.

Tara bit her lip, the look on Willow's face more expressive than words. She leaned over to press a kiss to Willow's forehead. "You know," she whispered. "If anyone else's fingers were putting that look on your face, I'd be jealous."

Willow's eyes shot open, her hands finding Tara's wrists. "You…" She shivered suddenly. "Vixen." Her withdrawal induced fever appeared to have broken, her hands reaching up further to the back of Tara's neck and pulling her down while her feet pushed her back on the couch and further into Tara's lap. "No one but you," she gasped, kissing her. "Not ever, Tara."

The blonde laughed against her lips. "I know that, you goof. I said _if_, remember?" She gave her another kiss. "They _were_ my fingers though."

"Well, I don't know about you, but a head massage is only one way you can make me feel that good," Willow said, straining up to kiss her again but was surprised when Tara lifted her lips away. "What?"

Tara was blushing, her eyes hidden behind her hair as she ducked her face. "I-it felt _t-that_ good?"

"Wha-Tara, honey," Willow started, pulling herself up and sliding back firmly so she was fully in Tara's lap. She pushed the hair out of the way so she could see Tara's eyes. "Tara, every single time you touch me, even if you're just passing me a fork at the dinner table, Tara, it's all I can feel." The blonde blushed, biting her lip. Willow smiled, leaning in to press her forehead against Tara's. "And do you want to know what else?" she whispered. One arm curled around Tara's shoulders, the other hand lifting to hover just over her heart. She could feel Tara's life even without touching her, the light and heat and peace of her washing through everything she had, everything she was. She knew Tara could feel the connection and she let it linger. "As _amazing_ as this feels, it doesn't take that for me to feel you. All you have to do is touch me." Their eyes locked and Willow smiled sheepishly after a second. "That was cor…"

Her words were cut off by Tara's kiss, the blonde taking Willow's immediate invitation, exploring the familiar recesses of her girlfriend's mouth. Willow's fingers slid into the back of Tara's hair, holding her head close. The redhead turned on her lap, Tara's arms curling around her middle as she straddled the blonde. Both of them were breathing hard, Willow burying her face in Tara's shoulder as the kiss eventually broke. "Are you ready to go back to bed?" Tara asked, brushing her fingers through Willow's hair. She could feel Willow's heavy breathing against her shoulder and she tried to steady her own heartbeat. "Is this still doing anything for you?" she teased, Willow's head turning so the redhead could nip her neck.

"Always," Willow laughed. "To both questions. You need some sleep, though."

Tara's hands curled around the redhead's thighs. "I'm fine. How are you feeling?"

More kisses scattered across her neck as Willow answered, "I'm much, much better." She lifted her head reluctantly, drawing in a deep breath. "You need to sleep. Sorry I keep messing…"

"Stop," Tara interrupted her. "We're going upstairs and you can show me how that head massage was feeling for you."

Willow bit her lip, trying not to smile. "You want a head massage, you will get a head massage and a half."

"It doesn't exactly have to be a head massage," Tara prompted teasingly, surprising Willow by lifting her, the redhead's legs tightening around her reflexively.

"That's _so _hot," Willow breathed, curling both arms around Tara's neck as the blonde carried them both up the stairs. "But, of course, you've always been the strong one." Tara cocked an eyebrow at her and Willow swallowed. "The way it counts."

Tara paused, one foot on the step ahead of them and leaving Willow sitting on her thigh. "You, Willow Rosenberg, are the strongest person I know." She met her lover's eyes seriously. "And we know the Slayer."

"Buffy…"

Willow started to speak but Tara stopped her, kissing her deeply while her hands pulled the redhead's hips in tighter against her own. "I don't really want to talk about Buffy right now, if it's okay with you," Tara confessed, her eyes dark. Willow swallowed thickly, nodding wordlessly, not sure she could speak even if she tried.

The door thumped as Tara kicked it closed behind them, Willow still wrapped up tightly around her. Abruptly though, the mood changed, becoming less frantic as Tara stopped, just holding Willow to her. The redhead whimpered as one of Tara's hands supported her bottom while the other dragged down her back. She whined her lover's name, hands trembling against the blonde's shoulder. "Tara, please," she pleaded, not even sure what she was begging for, just knowing that she needed more. "Don't stop touching me."

Tara kissed her again and lowered them both to the bed, Willow keeping her legs locked around the blonde's waist. Tara's hand was already under Willow's shirt, her fingers almost burning against the skin of Willow's belly. "You're warm," Tara panted, Willow arching into her as the blonde's hand covered her breast. The redhead couldn't muster more than a strangled groan, hands pulling frantically at her lover's shirt.

Tara paused with her hands where they were, one on her butt and the other on her breast, and the hesitation gave Willow time to draw breath. "I'm burning up," she groaned. "Please move, Tara. Please!" Her shaky fingers dragged Tara's shirt up her back and the blonde could feel the heat of Willow's hands on her skin. Willow's hips jerked up into hers and Tara couldn't help herself, dragging her hand out from under Willow's back to cover her front, cupping her.

Willow whined sharply, pleading without thought, words spilling out as her body pushed into the touch. "You _are _burning up, baby," Tara realized. "Are you okay?"

"Ngh, Tara, please," Willow pleaded, almost crying in desperation.

The blonde dragged the hand under Willow's shirt down her torso and back up, nails scratching lightly. Willow had to bite down on one hand to stop herself from screaming. Her body was a mass of tight muscles, everything in her taut while Tara's touch built the tension expertly. Tara could see her lover struggling and surrendered, fingers delving under the edge of Willow's shorts, fingertips finding the scorching heat between her legs.

The first simple touch was all it took to drive Willow over the edge, scream muffled by both hands. Tara didn't stop, two fingers sliding into the molten heat and she groaned as Willow's core tightened around her. The redhead's legs fell limply to the mattress as Tara's hand moved inside her, establishing a blistering rhythm.

Tara licked the sweat from Willow's neck as the little redhead gathered enough presence of mind to start moving her hips against Tara's thrusts. "I, Tara, please, don't stop," she pleaded, her hands falling to either side to grip the sheets. She came again suddenly, Tara kissing her and swallowing her lover's scream.

The blonde kept the contact between their mouths until Willow's body collapsed limply under her. She started to pull out and roll off of her, but Willow stopped her with a whimper, breathing hard. "Are you okay, sweetie?" Tara's free hand traced patterns in the sweat on Willow's skin. "Talk to me."

Willow lifted her head weakly, chuckling. "How do you expect me to talk after that?" she asked, her words coming slowly as she breathed hard.

Tara laughed herself, kissing across Willow's neck. "So you feel good?" she checked. She blew cool air over the sweaty skin, the sensation making Willow quiver.

"Amazing," the redhead answered, her eyes squeezed closed. When she managed to drag her eyes open, she looked down at herself in surprise. "How do I still have clothes on?"

The blonde smiled against her skin, moving her fingers where they were still buried inside Willow. "I didn't really have time to get them off. You were a little…eager."

Willow's eyes scanned her lover's form next, frowning. "And you still have yours on too," she complained.

"You were a bit insistent," Tara reminded her. She pressed her palm to Willow's rapidly pounding heart. "Are you still super sensitive?"

"Always," Willow joked tiredly. "Oh, you mean my skin being all feverish and you practically making me come just from playing with my hair?" Her eyes opened and she shook her head, staring up at the ceiling as she found Tara's head with one hand. "No, that was all you, lover."

Tara's hand slid down and pulled the bottom hem of Willow's shirt up, exposing her stomach. "You're sure? You still feel warm to me."

"I'm very hot, you know that," Willow agreed, yawning. "And you're still…" Tara withdrew her fingers slowly, Willow groaning as she watched Tara clean the wetness from her fingers. "You taste amazing."

Tara blushed, curling her fingers against Willow's chest. "So do you," she said, leaning up to kiss her slowly, sharing the taste with her.

Willow moaned as the kiss ended, pushing Tara back onto her back and tugging at her clothes. "Off," she ordered, pushing the blonde's shirt up even as she slid down her body to drag her girlfriend's shorts down her legs, scattering kisses over the skin. Tara sucked in a surprised breath as Willow caught her clit briefly, sucking in between her teeth before letting it go to lick Tara's center.

Tara arched against her lover's skillful tongue, one leg curling over the redhead's shoulder even as she spoke. "I thought you were tired." Willow didn't lift her head from her task, pressing her tongue in deeper while two fingers rolled Tara's clit. "Willow!" Tara could only gasp her name, there was nothing else in the world at that moment but Willow and their love.


	5. Chapter 5

_Why don't you rest your fragile bones  
A minute ago you looked alone  
Stop waving your arms you're safe and dry_

Willow was whistling the next morning when Buffy came down for breakfast, the Slayer glaring at her friend as she slumped into a seat at the kitchen island. "What's got you so cheerful?" she asked grumpily.

Willow gave her a look over her shoulder while she waited for her toast to pop. "Just woke up on the right side of the bed, I guess."

Buffy leaned forward, her head coming to rest on her crossed arms. "I thought you said last night that you couldn't sleep. What's that about?" Willow stopped her breakfast preparations and her back grew stiff. "Is everything okay, Will?" The witch turned to look at her without speaking. "I know I haven't really been around that much lately, but I can tell that something is going on."

"I gave up magic," Willow said. "Well, I'm trying at least. Tara's been helping me." Her toast popped behind her but she didn't turn to look. "And what have you been so busy doing lately?" she asked hesitantly, not sure Buffy would tell her the truth.

The Slayer studied the pattern on the top of the kitchen island without speaking for a long moment. "Will…" She wanted to tell her, wanted to tell her best friend what she'd been doing in the dark with Spike, but she couldn't force the words out. "It's nothing."

Willow sighed, knowing it was a lie. "Whatever it is, you can tell me, Buffy." She met her friend's eyes. "You're my best friend. Always." She snagged her toast with two fingers and turned to leave the kitchen. "You can trust me. Whenever you're ready to talk."

She was almost out of earshot when Buffy spoke. "Even if I'm sleeping with Spike?"

Willow was back in the doorway a second later, obviously struggling to keep her expression from collapsing into shock. "It's fine, Will. You couldn't hate me more than I hate myself over it," Buffy sighed, head dropping.

"No," Willow protested. "I don't-I'd never…" She drew in a deep breath. "I could never hate you, Buffy. Just…how did this happen?"

Buffy groaned, not lifting her face. "It started after Giles left. I was depressed, and lonely, and I couldn't talk to you guys, and he was there…" Her head turned, but her eyes were closed. "How about you? What brought on the magic giving-up?"

Willow shrugged, taking a seat on the other side of the counter from her friend. "So, we're sharing the misery, are we?"

"Yep, now spill."

"Tara-I, I was scared about how much magic I was using. She got scared, and then I did once I saw how fast I _needed _it. I didn't want to be like that anymore, so I stopped."

Buffy blinked, thinking. "But you're still in withdrawal?"

Willow nodded, twirling her toast in her fingers. "Yeah. It's worse at night. That's why I couldn't sleep last night."

"And Tara helps?" She smirked teasingly. "I just bet she does." In spite of her expression, her voice was flat.

Willow slung a piece of the toast at her friend, laughing despite herself. "Yeah, she really does. She's been teaching me how to connect with the life inside of things, inside everything…"

Buffy raised an eyebrow at her. "Is this another sex thing? Because we could be over-sharing…"

Willow rolled her eyes and another corner of the toast was thrown at Buffy. "No, not a sex thing. It's…hard to describe, but it's something I was missing. Magic isn't just potions and spells, it's everywhere."

"And Tara's helping you touch it?" Buffy asked, laughing when Willow shot her a look. "Not like that," she clarified. "Just assume I'm not being a perve."

"Until we get to the part where you're sleeping with Spike," Willow teased, surprised when Buffy just looked dejected. "Okay, sorry. I didn't mean that, Buffy."

"No, you're not wrong… With Spike, it's not good…I mean, he's good, but he's so _not_ good, and I _don't _like him, but I can't seem to stop myself from going to him." She looked up. "Think Tara can help rehab me too?"

Willow blinked, one hand reaching out to her friend. "Of course we'll help you, Buffy." She took a deep breath. "How'd it get so bad?" She didn't mean to ask the question, but once it was out she realized that she desperately wanted an answer.

Buffy swallowed hard, meeting her eyes for a brief moment before she looked away. "I don't know, Will." Her eyes were haunted as she finally looked up again. "I feel like I only feel something when I'm with him. I'm trying, but I can't forget what it was like…there, and everything here grates and is loud, and violent, and it _hurts_." She laughed bitterly. "And I can't even talk to you about it, my best friend, because you did it to me!" Willow winced, the accusation stinging even though she knew it was true.

"Buffy…"

The Slayer shook her head, one hand rising to stop her words. "I know you just wanted to help. I get that, really." She took a deep breath and let her head fall back onto her crossed arms. "It's just hard, being here. Spike makes it easier somehow." She closed her eyes, breath shaky. "And then I leave him and it's worse than it was before."

Willow frowned contemplatively, sympathetic to her friend's plight, but not sure of the best way to help her. "Well, I don't know if seeing me would help you when you're feeling bad, but you could go out with Dawn and Tara," she suggested hesitantly.

"I haven't been very good company lately," Buffy admitted, sighing morosely. "Wouldn't want to drag you guys down too. Although, I doubt that any of y'all want to put anything in my…"

"Okay, stop," Willow interrupted quickly, not sure she was up for hearing about Buffy and Spike's sexcapades. "I know we're sharing the misery, but we might have just found the line." Buffy gave her a weak smile and the hacker pointed at her warningly. "And I don't care if you are the Slayer, Buffy Summers, and you're having a rough time right now and you're trying weird sex stuff, and I can appreciate that, but if you put one finger on my girlfriend…"

Tara came in at that moment, arching her eyebrows as Willow trailed off. The redhead's green eyes were guiltily shifting between the two women and Tara cleared her throat. "Good morning," the witch greeted them, pecking Willow's cheek before collecting both of the coffee mugs on the island and moving around to refill them.

"Good morning, sweetness," Willow responded, smiling cheerfully. "You look beautiful today."

Tara tried not to but couldn't help smiling, glad that her back was to the Slayer while she blushed brightly, remembering the night before. "You too," she said when she finally turned back around, pressing another kiss to the top of Willow's hair as she passed out the refilled coffees. "Good morning, Buffy. I hope you slept well last night." She collected a cup of coffee for herself and took a sip, feeling deliciously sore but tired after her lack of sleep the night before. She knew the Slayer couldn't be faring much better, though she was sure that Buffy's time had been spent much less pleasurably than her own had been.

The Slayer looked unnerved by the simple sentiment, exchanging looks with Willow. "Oh, um, not really, actually," she confessed in a surprising burst of honesty. Tara frowned in concern and Buffy shrugged, giving Willow another look. "I wasn't slaying last night. I was out with Spike…" She hesitated, grimacing as Tara's eyes widened. "Or I was staying in with Spike, rather."

Willow met Tara's eyes, seeing her own initial shock reflected in her lover's blues. Tara's gaze shifted back to Buffy as the Slayer spoke again. "Willow…Will told me you've been helping her with the magic stuff." The witch swallowed, glancing back at Willow. "I was kind of hoping you could help me too."

Tara looked even more surprised, putting her coffee mug down as she leaned back against the counter behind her. "Um, well of course I'll do anything I can to help, but I don't know how much I'll…" She swallowed hard, nodding. "Whatever you need, Buffy," she finished, pushing her discomfort with the idea of Buffy and Spike together out of her mind.

The Slayer nodded as well, pushing herself up from her seat. "Thanks," she said genuinely. "Now, I think I woke up a little too early today. I think I'll take a walk or something." She drained her refreshed coffee and backed out of the kitchen. "I'll see you guys later." Willow started to speak and Buffy spun and waved over her shoulder. "I'll stay out of the graveyard, don't worry."

Willow slumped in her seat, blinking back tears of frustration while Tara took the Slayer's seat across from her girlfriend. "Whoa," Tara sighed, taking a long sip from her own coffee as her head turned to watch Buffy's exit. "Buffy and Spike…"

Willow nodded, turning her head sideways to rest on her crossed arms and effectively hide the tear she let slide. "You'll help her, right?"

"Of course I will," Tara answered. "You both remember that I'm not going to be much good for the boy problems, right?"

The redhead laughed, not turning to meet her eyes. "Oh, believe me, I won't forget that, lover." She tried to surreptitiously wipe her eyes on her sleeve before she turned her head. It took a moment longer, but she managed a weak smile. "I don't know if I'm up for school today," she confessed.

Tara frowned, reaching forward with one hand to scratch lightly through Willow's hair. "I'll talk to your professors and get your notes for you," she said sympathetically. "And I've got class until four, but I could come home at lunch if you want some soup or something."

Willow laughed weakly, interrupting her. "You're beyond sweet, but I'll be fine. I've got some reading to catch up on, and maybe I'll go wild later and take a nap." She smiled more naturally. "Someone wore me out last night."

"I have less sympathy for you on that," Tara said with a blush. "I was also awake most of last night, but I have to go to classes today." She stood up and took their coffee mugs to the sink. "Will you wash these today?"

"It's the least I can do," Willow agreed, yawning.

Tara leaned over to kiss the top of her head, rubbing her shoulders gently. "My poor sleepy one. Are you sure you don't want me to come home and check on you? It's not a problem…"

"No, you're already helping me out today. You've already done more for me…"

"Stop it," Tara said flatly. "You know the rule. No references to you owing me anything in regards to helping you. You do, however, owe me a kiss. It's only fair."

The rule had been implemented after Willow's continued guilt had led Tara to issuing a moratorium on Willow saying anything that encouraged the idea that she was a charity case that Tara had decided to undertake. The punishment for any slips, no matter how slight, was a kiss.

Willow lifted her head and sat up, turning on her seat. "That is the rule," she agreed, biting her lip. One of Tara's hands brushed her cheek and she leaned into the touch as Tara kissed her softly. It was a chaste kiss, slow and soft, Tara's fingers curling and relaxing in the redhead's hair.

Tara yawned helplessly as they separated, covering her mouth with one hand. "Don't apologize," she said preemptively. "Being sleepy is a side effect when you spend more time having sex than sleeping at night."

Willow choked on her coffee, pounding her chest with one fist, surprised to hear Tara be so candid. "Tara! You vixen!"

"Have a good day, sweetie," Tara said calmly. "Call me if you need anything and I'll come home, okay?"

Willow could only blink and nod as the blonde let herself out of the house. The redheaded hacker slumped back in her seat, taking a deep breath. She'd been awake for two whole hours. A rest in the quiet dimness of her bedroom seemed like just the thing to do next and she pushed herself to her feet, dragging herself upstairs after she washed the coffee cups like Tara had requested, leaving them on the rack to dry.


	6. Chapter 6

_These accidents of faith and nature  
They tend to stick in the spokes of you  
But every now and then the trend bucks  
And you're repaired by more than glue_

Amy the rat was chirping and squeaking wildly in her cage as soon as Willow entered the room and the witch stumbled over, cursing as she knocked the container of food to the floor in the dark. As she was standing up though, she noticed that Amy had apparently written something with her feet in the woodchips lining the floor of the cage, as well as spilling a lot of them onto the carpet.

"Think you're being creative, do you?" she complained to the rat as she clicked on the light. "What you're really doing is making a mess!" She frowned as she noticed that the words that had been spelled out in the cage were familiar and she sounded them out without thinking about it.

She realized what she'd done as the cage exploded, the metal grate that had been the front of the cage hitting her and knocking her back. Wood chips and dust were scattered everywhere and Willow coughed as she sat up, waving the dust from in front of her face. She dropped flat back on her back a moment later, groaning as she realized that she'd done a spell, the magic rejoicing inside her, buzzing under her skin. This was going to make everything so much worse to go back to living without it again.

She sat up again quickly as the groan was echoed. The dust had cleared somewhat, and she gaped as she realized that Amy the rat was a rat no longer, but instead was human again. If she had stumbled off the wagon, at least the spell had been successful. But apparently, Amy's clothes hadn't come back with her. One scrambling hand behind her found the blanket folded at the foot of the bed and pulled it down. "Amy?" she asked hesitantly. "Can you hear me?" She could barely concentrate long enough to speak for trying to ignore the burning of the magic, every spell she'd ever learned clamoring in her brain, begging her self-control to let them go.

Willow shook her head as Amy answered, not hearing the words themselves. "You look as bad as I feel," Amy said, looking at her and pulling the blanket out of the witch's shaky hand to cover herself.

Willow blinked, shaking her head again to clear it. "Thanks," she croaked dryly.

"Thank _you_," Amy responded. "It's about time you got me back to normal. How much time do we have until prom? I'm going to need a dress!"

Willow's eyes widened as she realized what had happened. "Oh, um…maybe you should take a shower or something and we'll talk after," she suggested distractedly, looking around the wreck in her room. "I'll get you something to wear," she said as the newly restored witch glanced down at herself.

The redhead got to her feet quickly, finding some clothes in drawers and leading Amy to the bathroom, the other girl looking around the room in fascination. Willow reminded her how to use the shower knobs, excusing herself rapidly as Amy dropped the blanket uncaringly, not needing modesty as a mouse.

Willow paced rapidly outside the bathroom, her head pounding. Her hands were shaking worse than ever before and she couldn't stop walking for fear that she would give in to the almost overwhelming urge to cast, to throw away everything she'd been working on, everything she was trying to save.

Her eyes caught sight of a framed picture on the dresser, a picture of herself and Tara from one of their dates at the Bronze, and she tried to calm down. She dismissed the idea of calling Tara, not wanting to interrupt yet another day in her beloved's life. And Amy would likely be distraction enough once she got out of the shower and Willow had to explain where three years of her life had gone. Determined to do something useful, she collected the larger pieces of the cage debris and found the vacuum in the hall closet.

The shower turned off, but Amy didn't venture out and Willow knocked tentatively after a few long minutes. The former rat looked frightened of the vacuum and the hacker tucked it out of sight and ushered her scared friend to the bed. "Are you hungry or something?" Willow asked hesitantly, suddenly embarrassed to realize that she'd been about to feed Amy the mouse when this whole thing had started. "I think we have some cheese," she offered.

"No!" Amy yelped, eyes wide. "Anything but cheese!" She brushed curled hands on either side, almost habitually cleaning whiskers she no longer had.

Willow nodded distractedly, waving and leading her down the stairs. Amy was still looking around, fascinated and with eyes jumping around at everything. "Where are we?" she asked. "Everything looks so much bigger!"

The redhead laughed, the sound tired and strained even in her own ears. "This is Buffy's house. We all live here now. Buffy and Dawn and me and Tara being all of us."

Amy frowned, sliding onto a stool. "What about Buffy's mom? And who're Tara and Dawn? Are they new at school?"

Willow drew in a deep breath, reminded suddenly how much had happened since Amy had been gone. "Oh do we have a lot to talk about," Willow said, groaning as she rooted through a drawer looking for the aspirin. "Food first though." She put together some simple sandwiches, but Amy acted as if they were the best thing she'd ever eaten, devouring the first one and accepting Willow's untouched sandwich without putting up even a token argument. Willow didn't care, she honestly wasn't hungry, and she waited silently until Amy finished eating before she started explaining everything that had been happening.

When she finished Amy was fidgeting again, pacing restlessly through the kitchen. "I know it's a lot to take in," Willow sympathized. "We could go out and get some air if you want." The former rodent nodded, following her outside and trailing behind her on the sidewalk, shrinking back from the bigness of everything outside while Willow was trying to hold it together.

They were downtown before Willow had to stop. Amy watched curiously as the redhead steered them into a park and dropped to sit on the ground. Willow reached out with everything she'd been learning from Tara, desperate to quiet her mind. When she opened her eyes, Amy was still giving her a curious look and she groaned. "What?"

"You've gotten stronger," Amy observed. "Have you been going to Rack's?"

Willow frowned, pushing herself to her feet. "Rack's? What's that? No, I mean, I don't really…" She heaved a deep breath. "What's Rack's?"

Amy was grinning at her. "You still do that? The babbling thing…" Willow blushed, pushing her hair back. "And you never went to Rack's? You've gotten _that_ much stronger on your own?" Willow shrugged sheepishly. "Well, you're going to love it," Amy said eagerly. "And it'll feel good to get my hands dirty again."

Willow backpedaled, lifting both hands. "Well, actually I'm playing hooky from school today, so I've got to get home before…"

"You don't want your missus to catch you?" Amy asked, smirking at her.

"Something like that," Willow agreed dryly, her fingers trembling against her leg. "You're welcome to stay at the house if you don't want to go home," she offered. "But I should probably be home when everybody gets back."

Amy shrugged, looking around the park. "I think I'll explore some more, see what else has changed," she said. "Thanks for all the help."

Willow nodded distractedly, feeling her head pounding, her traitorous inner voice telling her that it wouldn't hurt anything to go with Amy to whatever Rack's proved to be. "Yeah, no problem. Maybe I'll see you later."

The walk home took place in a fog, her entire body shaking by the time she got on the porch, hands trembling and teeth chattering. Thankfully, she appeared to have beaten the others home, but she didn't make it up to her room, curling up on the couch instead. She dimly heard someone come in after a while, time passing in a seemingly interminable chunk as she tried to fight the urge to surrender to the magic, but she couldn't lift her head to check who it was.

"Dawn, get some water," Tara ordered as soon as she saw the redhead on the couch, lifting Willow's shoulders into her lap, brushing hair back out of the redhead's face. "Baby, what's wrong? Where does it hurt?" Willow didn't respond, just clenched her teeth and shook her head. "Willow, tell me what's wrong and I'll help you. Whatever happened, it's going to be okay, I promise."

"I didn't do it," Willow grated out. "I didn't do it, Tara."

Dawn got back with the water and she crouched down to hold it steady while Willow gulped it down as if she'd had nothing to drink all day. Tara gave Dawn a look and the teen rushed off to get another glass.

"She wanted me to do it, but I didn't. I mean, I did, once, but I didn't mean to, it was an accident, and I'm _so_ sorry, Tara!"

The blonde frowned, trying to decipher the meaning of her girlfriend's convoluted and contradictory statement. "It's okay," Tara whispered into her ear. "Just slow down. Talk to me, Willow. Tell me what happened. Who is she? Is someone here?"

"No, not here," Willow said, shaking her head rapidly. "She might come back later, tonight."

Tara ignored her pounding heart but was unable to stop herself from holding Willow closer, leaning over to speak into her ear, fingers moving through soft red hair. "W-who is s-she?"

"Amy. She's not a rat anymore," Willow answered, not recognizing Tara's tension as she was still caught up in her struggling resistance to the magic.

Tara blinked at her as Dawn came back with the refilled glass of water. Willow gulped down the water as quickly as she could, breathing hard. "You turned her back?" Tara guessed, her eyes sliding closed. "Oh Willow."

The redhead seemed to come back around, sitting up and narrowly missing hitting Tara's head with her own. She turned on the seat, holding herself up on shaky arms. "Tara, no, it wasn't - it's not like that. It was an accident. It sounds crazy and if I hadn't seen it I wouldn't believe me either, but she wrote the spell on the floor. I just read it. And the magic did the rest, Tara. I swear!"

Tara hushed her, feeling sweat slide down through Willow's hair as she brushed her lover's hair back. "Shh, it's okay. I believe you. It's okay, Willow. Just keep fighting it." Willow was trembling again and she was biting her lip hard enough that Tara was worried that she would bite through it. "Come here and relax if you can," she prompted, opening her arms to Willow.

The redhead crawled weakly into her lap, curling up against her. Willow whimpered as she struggled to fight the compulsion to release the magic. "Tara, I'm so sorry," she gasped, one hand gripping the cloth of Tara's shirt tightly. "I didn't mean to. Please believe me. I didn't mean to do it."

Tara rocked her, murmuring into her hair. "I know, sweetheart. I know. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"It feels so _bad_. I hate this! I hate that I did this. I wasn't even thinking…" Willow buried her face in Tara's shoulder, rambling breathlessly. "I was going to take a nap and wait on you to come home. I just, and then she was there and naked…"

Tara winced, trailing her hand through Willow's hair and holding her head to her chest while she prayed that the redhead would be too distracted to notice her heart pounding. "I u-understand," she whispered. "A-and I love y-you, n-no matter w-what, but I d-don't really w-want to hear a-about it." She dimly recognized Dawn's quiet retreat upstairs, leaving them in privacy.

Tara's words penetrated the haze in her mind and Willow leaned back, realizing suddenly what a big misunderstanding they were having. "Tara, you can't think…I would never! I didn't!" She regained control of herself with extreme effort. "Tara, the _only_ thing I am talking about is the spell I did. I wasn't thinking for two seconds, and I almost ruined everything I've been working on. But I would _never_ do anything to risk what I have with you. You're everything. You're my everything." She met Tara's eyes straight on. "Ask me anything, Tara. Anything at all."

Tara groaned, shaking her head. "I don't need to a-ask. I'm s-sorry, Willow."

Willow shook her head quickly, both hands finding the blonde's face and covering her mouth with several fingers. "No, Tara, if you have any doubts…"

Tara kissed the hand on her mouth and guided it down. "I don't," she said firmly. "I, you were a little vague and I was a little panicked and I went crazy. That's all. I'm so, so sorry, Willow. Forgive me?"

"Already done. Can you forgive me too?" Willow agreed immediately, leaning forward to press her forehead against Tara's. "I didn't mean to slip up."

"I know that. And of course I forgive you," Tara whispered. "How are you doing?"

Willow curled closer to her. "It's bad again," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"If you keep apologizing I'm going to add saying sorry to the list of things that cost you a kiss to say to me," Tara warned her, pressing a kiss to her temple. "I love you, Willow. So much more than I could ever tell you."

"And you know I'd never, ever cheat on you," Willow prompted, smiling weakly. "Make me feel better, say it," she requested.

Tara ducked her head, blushing as Willow lifted her chin to meet her eyes again. "I know that you would never, ever, _ever _cheat on me. I'm a dummy for even letting the thought enter my brain." She pecked another kiss to Willow's cheek, feeling a muscle twitch under her lips. She lifted one of Willow's shaky hands and pressed it back to her chest, just over her heart.

"Can I?" Willow asked, hating the quiver that was going through her entire body.

Tara's lips were on her temple again, the blonde nodding. Willow could have anything from her, anytime she needed it. Willow drew in a deep breath to steady herself, stretching out slowly with her power. It was a struggle to ignore the voice in her brain begging her to speak, give voice to another spell, any spell. Tara's lips moved against her skin, and she shoved the voice down. The first touch was almost like a tickle, warm and so soft that it almost wasn't there at all, but even the lightest touch was completely infused with Tara's light and love. Willow let it wash over her, surround her and steady her as she pressed in closer. The feeling grew and expanded, filling every inch of her and pushing everything else to the outskirts.


	7. Chapter 7

_Worry not, everything is sound  
This is the safest place you've found  
The only noise beating out is ours_

Willow opened her eyes, surprised to realize that she was no longer on the couch, but tucked carefully into her bed upstairs. She leaned her head back to meet Tara's eyes, the blonde cushioning her against herself. "Hey," Willow said hoarsely. Tara's fingers combed through her hair and the redhead smiled tiredly. "How'd we get up here?"

Tara kept stroking her hair, laughing softly. "I carried you. You don't remember?"

Willow leaned up to press her face into the blonde's neck. "I got a little caught up. Could you feel it?"

"Always," Tara whispered, fingers rubbing the back of her girlfriend's neck. "You feel better?"

Willow lifted the hand that wasn't still resting over Tara's heart, fingers wobbling only a bit. "Better," she said softly. "Thank you. For everything." She didn't wait for prompting before she leaned up and kissed her, settling her head back against Tara's shoulder.

There was a long moment of silence, both breathing slowly. "Can you sleep?" Tara asked. "I can make you something…"

Willow blinked in the darkness, honestly not sure if she was tired or not, just that she was peaceful for once in a long time. It felt like forever since she'd decided to give up using spells. "At this precise moment, I'm perfectly content, if not sleepy, exactly."

"Good," Tara said, smiling softly. "I'm glad. But sweetie…" She shifted her shoulder slightly underneath Willow's head.

"Oh," Willow realized, sitting up quickly. "I'm sorry, Tara. I didn't mean to squish…"

"Okay, that's it," Tara interrupted, lifting one hand. "Apologizing is officially on the list," she announced. "And you know the rule. Kiss," she prompted, tapping her bottom lip with one finger.

Willow blushed, but captured her lips willingly. Her hand on Tara's chest moved up to curl around the back of her neck, guiding her slowly closer. She dragged the blonde's bottom lip between her teeth, smiling softly. "Tea would be wonderful, actually," she said, shifting to give Tara room to slide off the bed. "Thank you, Tara."

"You're welcome, my love." Willow's smile grew brighter as she settled back into her spot on the bed while Tara tucked her carefully back in. "I'll be right back."

The house was dark and quiet when she reached the kitchen and she realized how long Willow had been trembling in her arms. She started a kettle and tidied a bit while she waited, finding the coffee mugs Willow had promised to clean in the drying rack beside the sink. The backdoor opened with a click and she looked over her shoulder, surprised to see Buffy.

"Tea?" she offered, still causing the Slayer to jump despite making an effort to speak softly.

Buffy groaned, nodding. "Put a little something extra in mine," she requested, shuffling into the living room where Tara heard her flop onto the couch.

The witch found a bottle in the freezer and poured some into one of the mugs. The tea whistled and she mixed it up for Buffy, taking her own cup with her while she carried the other to Buffy.

The Slayer was on her back on the couch, one arm over her face. "Thanks," she said, voice muffled, but she sat up to take the cup, taking a long sip.

"Do you want to talk about anything?" Tara asked hesitantly, taking a seat beside her friend. Buffy glanced sideways at her, taking another sip instead of answering. "You don't have to…"

"Spike can hurt me," Buffy interjected suddenly. "I think there's something wrong with me." One of her hands found Tara's wrist and squeezed. "I think I came back wrong," she whispered, eyes blinking and wild as she looked at Tara.

"Buffy…"

The Slayer shook her head to cut off the comfort she knew her friend would offer. "Would you check? Please? Make sure I didn't come back wrong," she pleaded, wrapping both arms around her as Tara pulled her into a hug.

Tara thought it over, remembering all the work Willow had done to bring the Slayer back, the long sleepless nights and the pain it would cause the redhead if she really had brought her friend back wrong. Tara took a deep breath, nodding against Buffy's shoulder. "I'll look into it."

"Thank you," Buffy whispered, pulling back to rub her eyes. She drained her drink and slumped back into the couch cushions. "You look tired," she observed.

Tara shrugged, smiling weakly. "I think we all are," she said softly.

"How's Will doing?" Buffy asked, not meeting the witch's eyes for longer than a second glance at a time.

Tara sighed, wishing fervently that she wasn't in the middle of the pair's friendship. She knew though that they had a lot of trust to rebuild before things would be alright between them. "She was doing okay. Today was a…setback," she answered slowly.

Buffy frowned, both hands curled around the empty coffee mug. "What happened today?"

"Amy the rat is no longer a rat," Tara answered. "It was a mistake. Willow got a little overwhelmed after it happened."

Buffy grimaced. "I'm guessing that's not good for her withdrawal?"

Tara matched her grimace, nodding. "She was shaking on the couch when I got home."

The Slayer swallowed thickly, feeling sorry for her friend's struggle. If for no other reason than their friendship, they should be bonding over their efforts to resist their individual addictions. She'd managed to avoid Spike, but she couldn't stop herself from wanting to go to him, just make some excuse and get out the door. One glance at Tara told her that any reason she presented to leave wouldn't pass even a cursory second of reasoning. "Is she going to be okay?" Buffy asked, turning the cup restlessly in her hands.

The witch sighed, wringing her own hands. "Hopefully. I mean, if anyone can do this, it's Willow. But…" She curled her legs up, unconsciously drawing in on herself. "But no one's ever done what she's trying to do…"

Buffy leaned forward, elbows on her knees. "Tara, Willow's going to be fine. Like you said, if anyone can do it, it's Will." She gave the witch a strained smile. "I might be the Slayer, but Willow's the strongest person I've ever known." Tara met her eyes, returning the smile tiredly. "I don't know how much Will ever told you about high school, but it was rough on her. Xander and Jessie were pretty much her only friends. And they were on their own against Cordelia and Harmony."

Tara smiled sadly, thinking about how far her lover had come since being that person. Willow was stronger than she knew she was. "And then you."

Buffy cracked a smile at that, nodding. "And then me," she agreed hoarsely. "I can't say I made her life better though."

"Willow would say you did," Tara stated. "She would even say that you _do_." One hand stretched forward and rested over the Slayer's hands. "I'm not saying that what we did to you was right, but we did it because we all love you." Buffy didn't speak and Tara continued slowly. "Dawn's your sister, but Willow loves you the same way."

"I know that," Buffy said softly. "And I love her too." Her head fell forward and she sighed heavily. "And I know that it doesn't make a lot of sense, but some part of me is just mad that you didn't know, none of you even thought that I might be somewhere good."

Tara nodded. "We screwed up. We know that. But Buffy, it wasn't just Willow. We decided together. I was having dreams, of you, in Glory's hell." She sighed. "Xander said it best I think," she commented, smiling sadly. "'Me like Buffy. Buffy's alive, so me glad,'" she recited, relieved when it drew a smile from the Slayer.

"I'm working on it, Tara," Buffy offered. "It's just hard."

"Well, when you're feeling bad, you could come find me, or Dawnie," Tara suggested. "Find someone who's not going to take advantage of you." Buffy looked up at her, squeezing her friend's fingers gently. "Or call Giles…someone other than…"

"Spike…"

"Do you l-love him?" Buffy shrugged, the corners of her mouth falling. "It's okay if you don't…"

"No," Buffy cut her off. "It's _not_ okay to use him. No matter what he is, it is _not_ okay for me to use him." She realized how defensive she sounded and she grimaced sheepishly. "I promise, Tara. All this hostility isn't aimed at you. It's all for me."

The witch moved closer on the couch, touching Buffy's shoulder gently. "Maybe you should give yourself a break. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, we're all here for you." She smiled softly in the dimness. "And if you can't come to Willow or Xander, I'm here, and Dawn."

Buffy nodded, swallowing thickly. "Thanks," she said hoarsely. Their eyes locked and she cleared her throat. "I should get going to bed. And I'm pretty sure you owed Willow some tea about half an hour ago."

Tara blushed, ducking her head shyly. "Oh, y-yeah. I hope she's sleeping, actually."

"Well, either way you should go check on her," Buffy prompted, nodding her head toward the kitchen. "I'll wait if you want to get her some tea."

They took the stairs together, separating at the top to go into their own rooms. Tara gave Buffy a lingering look, smiling supportively and letting the Slayer break the stare first before she went into the room she shared with Willow.

The redhead was curled up under the sheets but she shifted as Tara closed the door behind her. "That wasn't 'right back,'" Willow complained, voice soft in the darkness.

"I know, baby. I'm sorry," Tara said, carrying the softly steaming coffee cup to the bedside. "I was talking with Buffy. Your tea is fresh at least." Willow smiled up at her and it was easy to see how tired she was. "Are you still all shaky?" Tara asked considerately, handing her the mug so she could comb her fingers through soft red hair.

Willow sat up enough to drink her tea, Tara's free hand resting lightly on her knee. "Yum." Smiling as she finished, she blinked slowly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, sweetie." Tara leaned forward to kiss her forehead, cupping her cheek with one hand. "You didn't answer…"

"I'm okay," Willow interjected. "I do need something though, if you can help me."

"Anything," Tara agreed promptly. "Just name it."

Willow found the hand on her cheek with her own and dragged it down to kiss the palm. "I very much need to be snuggled," she said, smiling until a tremor moved through her fingers. She met Tara's eyes almost guiltily. "I'll get it back under control, Tara. I swear."

Tara took the coffee cup from her and set it aside carefully, glancing up at her. "I know you will." She whispered the assurance, twining her fingers through Willow's. "Honestly…" She hesitated. "Never mind."

Willow frowned, squeezing her hand. "Tara…no 'never mind.' Tell me."

The blonde waited for a long moment, Willow waiting anxiously. "Honestly…I'm counting on it."

Willow swallowed thickly, blinking. "Why wouldn't you want to tell me that?"

Tara shook her head. "I didn't _not _want to tell you that. I just didn't want to put any more pressure on you…"

Willow laughed, surprising them both. "First of all, didn't anyone teach you about double negatives?" Tara blushed and the redhead squeezed her hand again. "And second, we're partners, Tara. Any pressure you're under, I feel it." Her smile faded somewhat. "And as much as I hate it, you're feeling all of the pressure I've been under." Their eyes locked and each smiled softly. The moment lingered and Willow pulled the blankets back to break the stare. "Now, it's past time you were snuggling me."

Tara laughed, leaning over to kiss her before she moved and she couldn't help yelping as Willow took advantage and used her overbalanced position to pull her over onto her and to the side, the redhead following her and curling herself into her lover's side.

"That's better," she declared, pleased with herself.

Tara looked down at her as Willow yawned widely. "Um, I'm still dressed," she reminded her softly.

"I can help with that," Willow replied, yawning again. "I'm good at this."

"Thank you," Tara murmured, kicking off her shoes while Willow's fingers fumbled with her belt. Between the two of them, she got her pants off, Willow already almost asleep before the task was finished, her fingers twitching against the blonde's collarbone while her head was pillowed on Tara's shoulder. The witch watched her sleep for a second, one hand stretching out to click off the lamp. Willow settled closer, breathing deeply. She appeared to be sleeping peacefully, but that could change anytime. Someday though, and sooner rather than later if she knew her beloved at all, they'd be able to sleep peacefully without fear of interruption. Until then though, Tara was prepared to wake up with her and hold her until the tremors passed. No matter how long it took.

* * *

Since 9kodama asked so nicely, there will be two chapters this weekend - Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays!


	8. Chapter 8

_Just for a minute the silver forked sky  
Lit you up like a star that I will follow_

When she was perfectly still she could hear the wind before it reached her, feel the grass growing beneath her, touch the birds as they winged over her head. As her understanding of life and the magic involved in everything increased, her abilities had grown beyond any spells she'd ever cast, even bringing Buffy back. It wasn't that she was more powerful now, although she was pretty sure that she was, but her understanding of power and its uses had grown exponentially.

She still wasn't casting, but the daily meditation helped her connect to the true source of her powers and that connection helped ground her. Even the simplest spells had consequences that were wreaked out here in the world. It made everything she did meaningful.

One of the more unexpected side effects had been her heightened ability to sense Tara. They were connected beyond the magic, but her new focus had resulted in something she'd never expected was possible - drawing them closer.

The breeze came just as she had seen its path and her mind's eye found Tara in the house but heading in her direction. She opened her eyes just as the backdoor opened, Tara stepping down from the deck to the grass. The blonde's magic was unlike anything Willow had ever felt before, so connected as it was to her spirit. Even without spells, Tara's energy called to everything and nature responded to her in a way that was fascinating to Willow. The press of her foot on the grass sent waves of light through Willow's mind, connected as she was to the earth.

"Hey beautiful," Willow greeted her, smiling softly. Tara was holding a jacket over her arm and she extended it to the seated redhead. Willow tucked herself into it and stretched, not realizing how cool had gotten outside until she'd started to warm up. "Thanks for thinking about me."

Tara nodded, curling both arms around herself and returning the smile. "Of course. I'm not just going to forget that you're sitting outside when the sun's going down."

"Want to sit on the porch and we can watch the moon rise?" Willow proposed, biting her lip shyly. Tara didn't say anything, but extended both hands to help Willow to her feet. The jacket was evidently one of Xander's, the sleeves hanging below Willow's fingers as she stood up. Willow looked down at herself, the coat dwarfing her slight fame. "This will work out great," she declared, leading Tara back to the deck and taking a seat on the chair. She leaned back and guided Tara to sit between her legs, curling the oversized coat around them both. Willow took a deep breath and squeezed her gently, nudging her face into the blonde's neck.

"This is nice," Tara said softly. Willow nodded without speaking, pressing a kiss to Tara's skin instead. Tara could feel her love's heartbeat thumping steadily against her back. The peaceful silence lingered as the night sounds of Sunnydale came out. Willow had her hands buried in the pockets of the coat and she kept the front closed so that they were warm. "I've been thinking." The words were quiet, scarcely audible, and Willow nodded, waiting for whatever her partner had to say.

"I've been thinking about…you," Tara continued slowly.

"This sounds promising," Willow joked quietly, still kissing her neck.

"About all the work you've been doing," Tara clarified. "You're doing so good, sweetie."

"No spells for forty-eight days," Willow whispered.

"I know," Tara said, smiling and letting both hands slide back and over Willow's thighs on either side of her. "I don't know if it's enough though."

Willow frowned, fingers fidgeting with the inside of the jacket's pockets. "What else can I do?"

"It's not that you're doing anything wrong," Tara stated. "You're not. I just think we could do more."

"We?" Willow questioned, bumping her nose against the column of Tara's neck before she let her head fall back to look up at the sky. Tara leaned back with her, hands still sliding back and forth over the tops of her lover's thighs.

"We," Tara confirmed. "You know what magic is now, how it works, what it can do."

"And I stopped using it."

"I don't know if that's the best thing either," Tara sighed.

"Just tell me what you mean, Tara. I'll do anything you want, I just need to know what it is," Willow said, Tara's hair tickling her throat as the blonde moved against her to lean up and meet her eyes.

"Don't be mad at me," Tara requested. "I-I'm just s-saying the magic is p-part of you. It c-could be b-bad to l-limit yourself." She sighed. "I don't t-think it's all about n-not using the magic. I think it's a-about not a-abusing it."

Willow didn't speak, thinking it over. She wasn't angry, knew Tara only ever wanted to help her, protect her, but the idea of giving up her resistance to the magic frightened her. Giving it up was one thing. It involved will power and resolve, but starting to use again and keeping herself restrained was an entirely different battle. "What if I can't control it?" She didn't realize that she'd spoken until Tara's voice was quietly reassuring her, breath warm against her ear. It was a simple gesture, comforting and familiar, and it succeeded in its purpose of calming her down.

"I'm not p-pushing," Tara whispered. "It's j-just something to t-think about. Nothing y-you don't feel r-ready for."

"You said 'we,'" Willow said softly. "You're going to help me?"

"Of course I am," Tara answered. "You've already made a lot of progress on your own though. Learning everything that you have…"

Willow tilted her head and gave her a confused frown. "Tara, sweetie, I'm not sure you're remembering right. You've been helping me with all of that."

Tara blinked, smiling slowly. "Okay, so what makes you think I'm going to stop now?"

Willow slipped one hand out of the pocket and guided Tara's head closer gently so she could kiss her hair, resting her cheek against the spot. "You know that I'm in love with you, right? Completely." Her hand stroked gently through Tara's hair, long strokes to the end.

Tara laughed quietly, dragging her nails up Willow's jeans over her thigh. "You even have to ask me that?"

"No," Willow whispered happily. "I just wanted you to know."

"Of course I know that," Tara said, snuggling closer inside the coat.

The sky was darkening, stars starting to dot the open space above them. The night was peaceful, still and quiet. Neither spoke, just relaxing and enjoying the serenity until they heard the house start to fill, everyone arriving home. It was Buffy's birthday and the Scoobies had invited several people over for a party. Willow sighed, but didn't move until Spike appeared from the woods with a bent box of chocolates under one arm.

"Are you nuts?" the redhead asked, sitting up as Tara leaned forward to let her up. "I'm pretty sure you weren't invited."

Spike shrugged, smirking. "The Slayer always lets me come inside," he said.

Willow rolled her eyes. "You're gross, Spike. And you're not ruining our party."

"And you're likely to stop me?" he asked, laughing. "The way I hear it, you're not working the big mojo anymore. Not much you can do to me on your own, little Red."

Willow's eyes narrowed and she slipped her arms out of the jacket that was still wrapped around Tara and stood up on the seat of the deckchair before jumping down and facing him squarely. "In case you've forgotten, you've still got that chip up your brain, so you can't do anything to me either," she said, deliberately challenging him.

The backdoor opened behind her and Buffy stepped out onto the porch. "Do we have a problem here?" she asked dryly. She moved up to stand at Willow's side, one hand pushing the witch back slowly, putting herself between the glaring pair.

"No, we don't," Willow stated firmly. "Spike was just leaving." She kept her eyes locked on him, daring him to say anything. Buffy's resistance hadn't been as successful as Willow's had, the Slayer slipping into Spike's arms several times over the last few months, even as she hated herself for it.

"I think the Slayer's the one who wants me here," Spike challenged.

"I really don't," Buffy stated, interrupting anything more embarrassing that he might say. He gave her a sullen look and reached for her hand, which she snatched away from him. "I'm serious, Spike. Get out of here."

He hesitated, glaring up at her from the yard. "Slayer…Buffy…"

She shook her head, closing her eyes tightly. "No, Spike, leave. I'm not doing this tonight. Leave before Xander sees you here." Buffy hadn't been as forthcoming with the rest of the Scoobies as she had been with Willow and Tara, and her sister and Xander remained blissfully unaware of her affair with Spike. Even without knowing about it though, Xander hadn't bothered to make a secret of his distaste for the vampire spending time around them.

Spike glared at Willow when Buffy refused to look at him again, stomping back into the woods and throwing the bent present he'd brought against a tree on his way.

Buffy opened her eyes once his thrashing and grumbling were out of range and she took a deep breath and let her shoulders slump. "Thanks for the backup," she said quietly, glancing sideways at Willow.

"Yeah, no problem." The witch gave her a nod, patting her shoulder soothingly. "Now, come on. Let's get this party started."

Tara held the jacket closed around herself as she stood up, falling into step behind Willow and Buffy as they went back inside the house. Xander and Anya introduced the young man they'd invited to the party to meet Buffy, Willow and Tara having to hide their laughter as Buffy awkwardly introduced herself.

The Slayer slugged Xander in the shoulder as he nudged her with an elbow, grinning and then groaning as he covered his now sore arm. The party progressed the way most birthday parties do, with presents and cake. It was almost midnight before anyone tried to leave and they realized that they couldn't.

Willow had long gotten rid of all but the most basic and rudimentary of supplies in an effort to make it harder to give into her compulsion to cast. At her request, Tara had hidden what was left and once it became clear that they had no other options, the blonde was the one to fetch the ingredients for a general dispersal spell, something they all hoped would be enough to break them out of the house.

When Tara returned to the kitchen from collecting her spell components, Willow was seated at the kitchen island, quite literally sitting on her hands. "I won't stay," she said before Tara could speak. "I just wanted to say good luck. You can do it." She shrugged sheepishly, eyes wide as she caught sight of the bags in Tara's hands. She slipped off her seat, deliberately crossing her arms behind her and backing toward the dining room.

"Will." She froze when she heard her name spoken in tender concern, her eyes finding Tara's. "I could use your help."

Willow shook her head helplessly, squeezing her hands behind her back. "Tara…I don't know if I can…"

"I won't push you," Tara stated quickly, putting her bags down on the counter and curling her arms around herself, nodding reassuringly. "Nothing that you're not ready for."

Willow swallowed thickly, taking a deep breath. "Tara…I can't let you down again."

The blonde frowned, taking a step toward her. "You, Willow, you don't…" She shook her head, lips pursed. "I trust you, Willow. It's that simple. And I know that you won't let me down."

Tara faced the counter again, sorting ingredients carefully. She glanced over, smiling as Willow stepped up and took her place beside her. "Two of those, I think," Willow said, picking another pouch from the pile.

Tara pressed a kiss to her cheek, but didn't speak, just pulling another stone from the bag she was holding. Their hands touched when they started mixing, Tara nudging Willow playfully with an elbow and smiling crookedly at her. In spite of the tension in the house at the still unknown force that was holding them captive, she couldn't help feeling relieved. Willow was born to do this, help people and protect them.

She didn't realize that she'd spoken aloud until Willow responded, laughing weakly. "I don't know about that," Willow said softly. "I mean, that part's great and all, but for me, there's only one thing I was _born_ to do…" She glanced shyly sideways. "I do it every second since I met you, Tara."

The blonde blushed, ducking her head. "Sweet-talker," she whispered, both of them looking up as Buffy came into the kitchen.

"How's it going?" Buffy asked. "Will?" she asked, surprised to see her friend setting up the spell.

Willow swallowed hard. "I'm going to help. Maybe just with the setup," she confessed, glancing guiltily at Tara. "But, hey, this is closer than I've gotten to magic stuff in a while, so yay!"

"You're doing fine," Tara said softly, giving her a reassuring smile. "I can take it from here." Willow kept her eyes on Tara for a long moment before dropping her eyes as her fingers trembling against the countertop, a hundred possibilities for the ingredients on the countertop flying through her mind.

Tara met Buffy's eyes over Willow's bowed head and the Slayer patted her friend soothingly on the shoulder. "You're doing great, Will. I could use your help upstairs though, if you've got a minute. Anya's starting to have a minor panic attack."

Willow gave her a skeptical look, eyebrow lifting in disbelief. "And you expect that _I'll_ be able to help her with that?"

Buffy shrugged, expression strained. "Everyone else has already tried. It's your turn," she declared, one arm around the redhead's shoulders to guide her away.

Unfortunately the spell did nothing but release a demon into the walls of the house, driving the already high tension level through the roof. Dawn was sullen and petulant, Anya panicky and nervous, while Xander and Richard had both been injured by their newest companion in the house.

Anya was snipping at everyone by the next night, the end of their full day inside the house. Everyone was walking on eggshells, the gentle-hearted Tara doing her best to keep the peace. She kept her temper until Anya and Xander ganged up on Willow, trying to pressure the reluctant witch into action. Anya backed off in the face of Tara's anger, but her rampage through the house revealed the source of their entrapment in Dawn and her accidental wish.

Once they were free of the house everyone but Buffy took off to the outside, Xander and Anya departing to take Richard to the hospital and Willow and Tara just started walking around the block. Tara was silently fuming and didn't speak as Willow took her hand and pulled them to a stop on the silent sidewalk.

"What's wrong?"

Tara glanced back toward the house, Xander's taillights barely visible in the other direction. "I, if they _ever_ talk to you like that again…" She paused as Willow hugged her, the redhead burying her face in her chest. Willow said something, but her voice was muffled and inaudible. "What?"

"Thanks for sticking up for me," Willow repeated. "Sorry that I'm not strong enou…"

"No," Tara cut her off flatly. "I won't let you talk that way either." She sighed, both hands coming up to hold Willow's head, the redhead's face still buried in her shoulder. "You're doing this, Willow. That makes you stronger than anyone I know." Willow lifted her head slowly and Tara gave her a slow smile. "Buffy even said so."

Willow snorted in disbelief, shaking her head. Tara's expression didn't change and the hacker's mouth dropped open. "What? Really?"

Tara laughed, nodding and ruffling Willow's hair teasingly. "Yes, really. Now, it's getting cold out here. Are we going somewhere now that we can, or are we heading home?"

Willow glanced toward the house and bit her lip as she thought it over. "I think we should maybe give them some time. Want to walk down to the Espresso Pump? I'll buy you some coffee. Or cocoa, or whatever you want."

Tara gave her a kiss on the cheek in gratitude and curled an arm through Willow's. They walked in silence, grateful that the coffee shop had their space heater turned on. Tara got a table while Willow ordered their drinks. The blonde was surprised but not displeased when Willow took a seat on the same side of the booth with her, planting the steaming cup in front of her and snuggling into her side.

* * *

Merry Christmas! I'll have another one up for you guys tomorrow :)


	9. Chapter 9

_What if this storm ends?  
And I don't see you as you are now  
Ever again_

Things got better, slowly and painfully, for Willow, while getting worse for everyone else. Buffy struggled to resist Spike, while Xander and Anya's wedding imploded. Then Buffy got infected with some demonic poison and went crazy. Throughout all of it, Willow had remained magic-free, searching every time for a way to help without using spells.

Tara never pushed her to start practicing again, Willow making the decision on her own and taking baby steps toward it once she finally did. It felt almost like she was in high school again, back when she'd first started practicing. She started small, levitating pencils and pillows around her bedroom. Her concentration broke when the door slammed downstairs, probably Dawn annoyed about something, or Buffy making her way home after a rough night. The things she'd been hovering fell toward the floor, but she managed to recover her control and caught them before they hit the carpet.

She let them fall a moment later and rolled off her bed to crawl around and pick them up. She could have easily called them back to her with a gesture, but her self-control had been thoroughly expended for the day and she crawled around the floor without a second thought.

Tara couldn't see Willow as she entered their bedroom, but she heard her moving and she called her girlfriend's name, smiling as Willow's red head popped up on the far side of the bed. "What are you doing on the floor?" Tara asked, laughing.

"I was just picking up. I didn't think that was you, with all the door slamming," Willow confessed, giving her a sheepish grin. She sat back on her heels and piled her collected pennies and pencils on the foot of the bed, sitting up on her knees a moment later to dig something out of her pocket.

"Oh, Buffy just went outside with Xander." She put her school bag down next to the dresser and straightened a picture frame that was sitting on top of the dresser. "Will, what…" Tara froze as she turned from the chest of drawers and noticed the redhead's posture. "Um, oh…"

Willow looked confused, glancing down at herself and then up at Tara and finally to her hands cupping something invisible from Tara's point of view. "Oh! Tara, oh no!"

The blonde had one hand covering her mouth, struggling to hear over the sudden pounding of her heart in her ears. "You-you're not…are you?"

"No! I mean, you don't want to, do you?" Willow asked, starting to move before she remembered that she was still on her knees. Her arms pin-wheeled wildly for a long moment before she crashed to the floor. Tara was quick to get to her side, though she had to pull back her hands as Willow started swatting at the carpet with both hands, her voice muffled as she cursed into the floor.

She was still eventually, Tara sitting on the floor beside her when she finally lifted her head. Tara had both arms curled around her bent up knees. "Are you okay?" Tara asked, trying not to laugh.

Willow groaned, rolling over to put her head in the blonde's lap. "Yes, unless embarrassment can really kill you."

"Don't be embarrassed," Tara said, combing her fingers through her partner's hair. "I w-was just s-surprised."

"But I wanted to do it right, with a ring and a nice outfit, but I was still going to get down on my knee, of course, and we were going to go out to dinner…"

"You want to get married?" Tara interrupted her to ask, fingers frozen where they were buried in red hair. Willow blinked, realizing how much she'd said and she blushed brightly, mouth hanging open as she tried to think of anything to say.

"Do you?" was all she could come up with.

Tara smiled softly, hesitating teasingly. "That would be telling," she said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to her lover's forehead. "Ask me nicely and I'll answer you."

Willow didn't speak for a long moment, swallowing thickly. "I think I want to be surprised," she said, voice hoarse and thick with emotion. She stared up at Tara, their eyes locked, and Tara's fingers traced over her face gently. Willow kissed the fingers as they touched her lips, her hands coming up to catch Tara's hand.

"So what were you picking up off the floor?" Tara asked, voice soft. There was a distinctive feeling of closeness in the air between them and she tried to distract them. If Willow wanted to propose, had been thinking about it, she wanted to let her do it in her own way. She knew perfectly well what she would say if Willow asked, and hoped that Willow knew it too and wouldn't honestly be surprised by her answer.

Willow blushed, pushing herself up to lean against the base of their bed, still embarrassed about their misunderstanding. "Oh, I was practicing with some of the little stuff around the room and I dropped some of it, so I was just getting it up."

"How's it going?" Tara asked, giving her a reassuring smile.

Willow shrugged. "I'm still staying small. It feels okay."

"Can we try something small together?"

"Anytime, baby," Willow responded, smirking cheekily. "Oh, did you mean do spells, because that's okay too. Not as good as the other thing though." Tara swatted her arm and Willow caught her hand, dropping her restraints and letting herself _feel_ Tara. Her connection and contact with Tara was the only time she let herself go entirely, relaxing the tight control she kept over herself to touch Tara's essence.

Tara sucked in a surprised breath, not expecting Willow's complete surrender but matching it with her own. They were completely open to each other like this. There were no secrets, nothing hidden that the other couldn't see. Tara's power expanded Willow's own, drawing her into the world, the powerful connection to life around her that Tara maintained without effort. It was simple and beautiful and no matter how many times Willow touched it, it continually overwhelmed her. They were still seated on the floor of their room, but she could hear the birds outside, the dry crackle of leaves in grass, feel the slow but steady growth of fresh grass, new life coming forward at the advent of Spring.

Their fingers twined, palms flat against each other and Willow opened her eyes without realizing that she'd closed them. "How was that?" she asked breathily, laughing shakily. She lifted one finger slowly and a framed picture of Buffy, Dawn, and Joyce floated up with it. She twirled her finger in a slow loop and the photo followed her finger obediently.

"You don't need me to do that," Tara said, amused.

In response Willow snapped her fingers and set a spark alight at the end of her finger. Tara watched as it faded from red to green and blue and stopped. Willow leaned forward and held the finger up next to Tara's eyes, her own eyes flickering back and forth between Tara's eyes and the flame, adjusting the color carefully.

"I don't have to see them to be able to do this," Willow confessed in a whisper, smiling and sticking the tip of her tongue between her teeth. "I could never forget this color." The color steadied and she leaned back, satisfied.

"Cute," Tara said, laughing.

"Oh, cute?" Willow questioned, her eyes narrowing as she concentrated, the color darkening. "What about that?"

Tara blinked, not sure of the significance of the new color. "What about that?"

Willow cocked an eyebrow at her, swallowing thickly. "I guess you don't see it as much as I do," she conceded, eyes lingering on the blue flame before she blew it out.

"Are you going to make me guess?" Tara asked softly.

Willow's eyes met hers and the redhead shook from side to side. "I love your eyes. I can see through you. Did you know they change colors, though? It's gorgeous." She flicked her finger and the flame came back to life, a blue fireball balanced on the palm of her free hand. She looked up from the fire to Tara's eyes, the reflection of the flames on her face. "There it is," she whispered, closing her fist around the fire.

"What?" Tara's question was whispered, barely audible.

Willow didn't speak for a moment, shifting closer and leaning her head forward to press a kiss to her lover's forehead, lips moving to either side to kiss her eyelids. "Your eyes get dark when you want me." Willow breathed the words straight into her ear and Tara shivered, fingers tightening around Willow's fingers. Their powers were still locked together, the connection sending sparks of feeling into the miniscule space between their palms.

Tara's eyes were struggling to stay all the way open, lids fluttering as she tried to catch her breath. "Willow…" Her words were cut off as Willow captured her lips, free hand cupping her cheek. The redhead moved closer, on her knees in front of Tara. Tara could only blink as Willow was gone again as quickly as she'd kissed her. "Huh?" the blonde gaped dumbly, staring at her as Willow jumped to her feet and pulled Tara up after her. "Will, what are you…?"

"You just stay there," Willow directed, waving her back as she rooted through a drawer. She found what she was looking for and returned to stand in front of Tara, kissing her again quickly and then dropping to her knees. Tara was staring down at her, jaw hanging. "Don't say anything," Willow requested. "I know this is weird and I might be screwing it up, but I want, no, I need to do this, and you're so beautiful, and I love you so much…" She paused, taking a deep breath. "Ignore the rambling, please, and let me start something that sounds good, or better." She groaned, squeezing her eyes closed. "You have to believe me that I'm serious about this and I had a speech planned out, I'm just nervous."

Tara giggled and covered her mouth with both hands, forcing herself to breathe deeply. "Y-you, you're n-not serious." Willow opened her hand and revealed the ring and Tara's eyes widened. "Y-you're serious…"

"I'm in love with you, Tara. And we were just talking about this, and I said I was going to wait and do it right, but who says this isn't the right way, you know? I'm in love with you and I want to marry you. I know it seems sudden, or whatever, but I want to ask you to be my wife. I love you, and I want to be with you forever. I'm yours, for the rest of our lives. Would you do me the incredible honor of becoming my wife? I'll take care of you, and make you happy, and…"

Tara's hand landed over her mouth, the blonde blinking at her. "Just g-give me a s-second here," she requested, smiling crookedly. Willow nodded, one hand curling around the hand on her lips, pulling it down to kiss the back of it. "You w-want to g-get married…" Willow nodded without lifting her lips from their place on Tara's skin. "Y-you want t-to marry m-me?" The redhead nodded again, lowering the restraints on her power, letting her connection to Tara surge to the forefront. They both gasped, overwhelmed with each other, and Tara could feel Willow's honest love. Willow was frowning though, a strange look of concentration on her face.

"There's something…"

Tara heard Willow speak a split second before she felt sharp pain and fell to the ground as Willow dove forward and tackled her. Everything was loud, Willow's rapid breathing harsh in her ears. There were other sounds too, birds and wind and a strange crunching noise she couldn't quite place. And then Willow was chanting her name, her voice wild and frantic. The redhead's anxious face popped into her sight and she blinked up at her. "There's s-something on your shirt," she said, one hand trembling as it reached up to touch the spot, strange and sudden red stains on Willow's shirt.

Willow was having the opposite problem, not hearing anything but the pounding of her own heart in her ears. Tara's blood was burning hot on her hands, more pouring out with every beat. "Shh, it's okay. You're going to be okay. Be still, please," she pleaded, the words inaudible over her panic. Tara's life was being pumped into her hands and she couldn't think, couldn't do anything. She'd felt the shot coming, the incredible connection to life and nature that she got through Tara had saved her life, given her just a half of a second to react, try and drive Tara out of the way.

The bullet had still hit her, though higher than it would have if Willow hadn't shoved her. It was clear of her heart, but was still bleeding heavily. Willow pressed her fingers tighter against the wound, trying desperately to clear her head, think of something to do to stop this. Tara couldn't just be _gone_. It was unthinkable. Without her, _she _was unthinkable.

Every dark thing she'd ever learned was screaming inside her, clamoring to get out, for revenge. And if Tara's life slipped away from her, she honestly didn't know if she'd be able, or even want, to stop herself from releasing every horrible impulse in her mind. She shoved it down, squeezing her eyes closed and taking a deep breath. She almost gagged on the smell of the blood, thick in the air, the heat and slickness of it against her palms. She forced herself to concentrate and apply pressure, trying to remember any first aid she'd ever learned.

"Tara, baby, can you hear me?" she questioned, the blonde's eyes closed. The blood flow was slowing down, but Tara didn't respond. Willow felt tears burning her eyes and her blurred vision found the ring she'd bought for Tara on the carpet. It was shining in the afternoon sunlight through the window, surrounded by halos of white light through her tears. She steadied her breathing with extreme effort, quieting the angry, demanding voices in her mind. She extended her power tentatively, not sure what she was doing, what she would find, but then she reached Tara, her spirit still there and strong, and Willow almost fainted in relief. Her powers stretched further, exploring the wound. The bullet had gone straight through, and she touched the hole with her abilities, repairing the damage as she found it, carefully and slowly.

Her concentration was disrupted as a siren pulled up outside and she did the first thing that sprang to mind and screamed at the top of her lungs, praying that the hole in the window would let someone hear her. Tara groaned, stirring under her hands, but didn't wake up.

And then Xander was there, falling to his knees on the other side of Tara's body. "Oh God, Will. What happened?"

"You tell me," she demanded. "What the hell is going on out there?"

"Warren," he answered. "He shot Buffy."

"And Tara," Willow growled, her rage screaming again now that she had a name, a target for her fury. "He shot my Tara."

He frowned at her, shaking his head. "Hey, focus! We've got to get them to the hospital," he reminded her. "Keep pressure on it, and I'm going to go get the EMTs." He was gone a moment later, leaving Willow alone with her furious anger. And Tara. The blonde stirred weakly, groaning and drawing Willow's attention.

The stretcher was there then, the techs pushing Willow back out of their way and Xander had to catch her around the waist to keep her from fighting her way back to Tara's side. "Willow, no! We'll go with them to the hospital." She went limp at the sight of Tara, pale and bleeding on the gurney.

"She can't die," Willow gasped, part of her surprised that she could speak at all. She turned in his arms, clinging to him with both hands. "I can't lose her, Xander!"

"She's not going to die," Xander said, guiding her head to his shoulder. The EMTs were gesturing behind Willow and he guided her with him to follow them. His arm curled over her shoulder and he jumped as he stepped on the broken glass, looking down at his feet. Willow started to follow the doctors but couldn't move for Xander being frozen. "Uh, Will, what's that?"

Willow followed his eyes, finding the ring on the floor in front of his foot. She bent and picked it up, choking on sudden tears. The ring trembled between her fingers as her hands shook. Her eyes were wide, jaw hanging. One of the EMTs stomped back up the stairs, calling to them and Xander shook her gently. Her eyes found his as his hand covered hers. Nerveless fingers dropped the ring into his palm and he curled his arm around her shoulder again, guiding her toward the stairs.

The ambulance rocked as they drove to the hospital, both gurneys meaning that Xander and Willow were in his car behind them. Willow was out of the car almost before it was parked, Xander having to chase her through the parking lot to catch up. Buffy and Tara were both already in surgery and Willow could only pace anxiously in the waiting room, the floodgates of her rage held back only by the steady beating of Tara's heart in her ears. She put all of her energy into maintaining the connection, everything she'd learned about control put to the test.

It felt like an eternity before they were allowed in to see Tara, the Slayer still in surgery. Tara was under blankets and wires, pale but breathing. Willow slumped weakly into the chair beside the bed, her hands shaking as she struggled to resist casting. The doctors had finished repairing a nicked artery, commenting that it had curiously already started to heal, drawing a look from Xander to Willow, but the redhead was much too distracted to notice. When the doctor excused himself, Xander followed him out, giving Willow her privacy.

Tara was unconscious, but her fingers twitched against Willow's touch and the redhead took a deep, shuddering breath. Tara's fingers were cold from blood loss and Willow covered both hands with her own in an effort to warm them up. She couldn't think, couldn't do anything but keep her eyes trained on the steady rise and fall of Tara's chest. Tara was still alive. It echoed in her mind at the rhythm of the blonde's heartbeat. Time was measured in the interminable quiet between beats. She didn't move her eyes, tried not to even blink, scared that the first time her eyes flickered from their vigil, her second chance would be lost, never to be had again.

A curious thing happened then, as she sat waiting for any sign of wakefulness from Tara. Sitting and waiting, nothing to do but wait and pray, she caught herself studying Tara, her mind filled with flashes of memories, everything she knew, everything she loved about her. And as she thought and remembered, she could feel her rage growing quieter. No matter what happened, Tara wouldn't want her to feel like this, to seek revenge. She had a feeling that without everything she'd learned, all the study and practice she'd been doing, her attitude wouldn't have been nearly so forgiving.

Xander returned, but she couldn't have said how long he'd been gone, shutting the door with a quiet click behind him. "Will, I need to talk to you," he started hesitantly. She didn't respond, maintaining her vigilant focus. "Will, Willow, it's Buffy." His voice was hoarse and she finally looked up, turning on her seat to look at him. She'd been almost entirely focused on Tara, but Xander looked as bad or worse than she did herself. He was pale and tired, his shirt covered in Buffy's blood. "They're saying she's not going to make it."

Willow blinked, outwardly calm. Last time she'd tried to help Buffy, she'd done nothing but screw up all of their lives. This wasn't the same thing. The Slayer wasn't dead yet. "No," she declared softly and he swallowed thickly. "We're not losing her again." She stood up from her seat, pressing shaking hands flat against her legs to steady them. "Stay with Tara," she directed, leaning over to kiss her beloved's forehead. He didn't speak as she turned and walked past him, moving to the door. "Xander, if…if something goes wrong…"

"I'll take care of her," he promised. Willow looked down at his hand as it appeared over her shoulder, Tara's ring cupped in his palm. "She's going to want you to give her this back." She took it gingerly, pinching it up between two fingers and his hand retreated to grip her shoulder, squeezing hard once before he let her go.


	10. Chapter 10

_Painted in flames, all peeling thunder  
Be the lightning in me that strikes relentless_

She was evidently presenting quite the fearsome image as the doctors put up only token resistance when she forced her way into the operating room. Buffy was on the table, clothes bloody and her body pale and struggling for breath.

Willow walked forward slowly, lifting her hand to hover over Buffy's chest. Tara's blood was now cold and sticky on her skin, but her fingers were steady. She didn't have the luxury of self-doubt now. Her self-control had been strictly trained and retrained and if she couldn't put it to use now, to save her best friend, then everything she'd been working for was useless.

She let her power grow and expand, filling up every bit of her. Buffy groaned as she made contact, her hand still hovering over the Slayer's skin. She let her awareness burrow into the wound, following the path of the bullet until she found it, still buried in Buffy's chest and moving deeper, ever closer to the Slayer's powerful heart. Sweat broke out on her forehead, beads breaking and tickling their way down her collar. She ignored the distraction and concentrated on forcing the bullet back out, repairing the damage as she could. She was shaking by the time the bullet was free, Buffy's skin sealing itself behind it, leaving only a red welt to show there had ever been any damage.

It took Buffy a few long, tense moments to wake up, Willow slumped weakly on the bed at her feet. "What happened?" Willow jumped at the sound of her voice, lifting her head slowly. Buffy pushed herself up weakly, frowning at the blood on Willow's hands. "You saved me…"

Willow nodded, taking a deep breath. "I did."

"Is that my blood?" Buffy asked hesitantly, not sure what she was seeing in her friend's expression. Willow's hoarse negative frightened her further and she leaned forward to touch Willow's shoulder. "Who?" she questioned. "Willow…"

Willow's eyes were rimmed with red and shining with tears as she met Buffy's eyes. She tried to speak but couldn't, just mouthed the name. "No," Buffy denied, voice soft and quavering. "She-she's not…"

"No," Willow confirmed. "She's alive." Her tears broke, sliding down either cheek and she tried to choke back a sob. "Buffy…" The Slayer was there immediately, curling both arms around her friend and holding her as she cried. "Buffy, I asked her to _marry_ me." Buffy tried to hush her, eyes wide. "I proposed and she got _shot_."

"Shh, it's okay. She's alive. She's going to be okay," Buffy said repetitively. "Come on. Let's go find her. Do you remember where she is?"

"Xander's with her," Willow said dully, her head leaned against Buffy's shoulder. The Slayer helped Willow to her feet, holding her hand gently to keep her steady.

"Well, let's go. We'll go sit with them and I'm sure she'll be waking up soon," Buffy prompted, curling her arm through Willow's to guide her. Willow pointed out directions with one hand, the other shaking in Buffy's grip.

The doctor happened to be in the room when they arrived and he gaped in surprise at Buffy. "You…you were…"

Buffy waved him off. "I'm all better now. It's fine."

He suddenly looked a little nauseous and made up an excuse to dismiss himself. Willow ignored the entire exchange, taking back her spot at Tara's bedside. The blonde was still unconscious, pale and shrunken under the thin white sheets of the hospital bed. Xander hugged Buffy, her arms curling tightly around him. "Glad you're back," he murmured.

"Thanks to Will," Buffy agreed softly, eyes finding Tara over Xander's shoulder. "How is she?" she asked, voice softer.

He turned, keeping one arm around the Slayer's shoulders. "She'll wake up soon, hopefully." He gave her a weak smile. "They're a little stumped about how it could be, but somehow she'd already started healing before they even got her into surgery."

Buffy smiled tightly, her hand stroking lightly over the spot where she'd previously been bleeding to death. "Yeah, how could that happen, I wonder…"

Willow didn't respond, didn't seem to hear them at all, and Xander led Buffy to the couch. He took a seat and she sat down close beside him, letting her head lean against his chest. They didn't speak again, joining Willow in silent vigil while they waited for Tara to wake up.

Tara's first awareness was pain, hot, radiating pain in her chest. Someone was holding her hand, warm breath on her fingers. There was no resistance as she lifted her hand, finding soft hair and stroking gently. "Willow…" She knew who it was without opening her eyes. Breath escaped her and she groaned, coughing weakly. Willow's head lifted quickly, both of the redhead's hands capturing hers and covering it in kisses.

Willow was crying but didn't care, didn't even notice as she leaned forward to scatter more kisses all over Tara's face. She stopped when Tara groaned, head rocking from side to side under the attention. "Oh, Tara, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! Are you okay? I'll get the doctor!" One look over her shoulder ensured her that Buffy was already at the door and signaling. Willow stepped back only when the doctor forced her to, her eyes locked on Tara, anxious and tired.

The doctor finally left them alone and Buffy and Xander stepped up on the other side of the bed to greet Tara. They all shared a moment of relief, interrupted by Dawn's sudden arrival. The teen had arrived home from school to be greeted by an empty house and blood-soaked carpet. After checking Spike's crypt and the Magic Box, she'd come straight to the hospital where she'd learned of Tara and Buffy's admittance. With a long look at the witches, Xander and Buffy escorted Dawn out of the room to explain, leaving them in privacy.

Willow's full attention was on Tara as soon as the others left, brushing her hair back and tucking her in carefully. It would take time, but they were predicting a full recovery. Tara caught her partner's hands, squeezing her fingers. "Do something for me?" she requested softly.

"Name it," Willow replied promptly, pushing herself up straight.

Tara's eyes surveyed her, blood covered and pale, and her smile was soft and sad. "Would you mind washing your hands?"

Willow blinked down at her hands, the rust colored blood dry and thick under her nails and in the lines of her palm and joints. She obeyed without speaking, washing and drying her hands and getting back to the bedside as quickly as she could.

"Thank you," Tara said softly.

Willow shrugged, eyes moving restlessly around the room. "Yeah, no problem."

"No, sweetie, not for washing your hands, of course not," Tara said, taking her hand. "You saved my life." Willow swallowed thickly, not sure she could speak. "And you had asked me a question," she started, voice soft. "I owe you an answer."

"No," Willow interjected. "I, Tara, you got _shot_. And I don't know if you think you owe me anything, or what, but you don't have to answer. I'll wait until you're feeling better…"

"Hey," Tara stopped her. "Come here," she requested, pulling on Willow's hand. Willow took a few shuffling steps forward, but Tara slid over in the bed and pulled the covers back. "In here with me," she coaxed. Willow hesitated for a second, but obeyed, keeping herself carefully withdrawn. "You're not going to hurt me." Tara knew instinctively what she was doing and squirmed closer so that they were both on their sides facing each other.

Willow almost looked guilty and Tara frowned lightly. "What's wrong?" she whispered. "You don't want to get married anymore?" she asked tentatively. Willow shook her head, biting her lip and tugging it between her teeth. "So you do?" The redhead nodded slowly, still chewing her lip. "So what's the problem? You think I'm going to say 'no?'"

"After today I'm thinking that maybe you should," Willow confessed quietly.

Tara's frown deepened, one hand touching the bandages on her chest softly. "Because of this?" Willow nodded without speaking. "Listen to me," Tara said, voice soft but steady and confident. "I love you, Willow Rosenberg. I love you and I want to marry you. I want my life to be with you, forever." Willow's eyes found hers and she continued, voice still soft and steady. "Yes, Willow. My answer is yes. Whether it's for two months or twenty years, fifty, seventy, I want to be your wife."

Willow's expression didn't change for a long moment and she finally cracked a smile. "If those are my options, I pick the seventy, please." Tara swatted at her arm, grimacing momentarily at the pain caused by a tugged IV tube. Willow's smile faded. "Are you sure about this?" she asked. "I mean, I proposed and you got shot. We get married and you might get squashed by Godzilla, or something!"

Tara smiled crookedly, fingers stroking lightly over the redhead's cheek. "I'll take my chances with Godzilla," she declared. "And squished or not, every second of time I'm with you is worth it."

Willow stared at her before leaning her head forward to kiss her softly before she slipped out of the bed. Tara slid over to follow her, catching one hand. "One second," Willow said, smiling softly as she found the ring Xander had retrieved in her pocket. Tara moved to the edge of the bed as Willow dropped to her knee. The blonde started to sit up, but Willow shook her head, taking her lover's left hand between both of her own. She held the ring up for Tara's inspection, smiling tentatively as tears welled up in blue eyes. "You like it, right? Those are happy tears, aren't they?" she couldn't help checking. "It's not too late. I could get you something else, something better…"

"Don't you dare," Tara cut her off. "If you picked it, then it's perfect." Willow kissed her hand as she slipped the ring into place.

Willow stared at the diamond on her partner's hand, apparently fascinated. "You're going to marry me?" she asked, sounding breathless.

"I'm going to marry you," Tara confirmed. "Now, you need to get back in this bed with me. The doctors told me that I was shot today, you know. I need snuggles like never before."

Willow slipped back into the bed beside her, releasing a deep breath as Tara's head found its place on her chest. The blonde was warm and she curled her arms tighter around her, holding her close. She'd been existing on adrenaline and a need to know that Tara was going to be okay, but now that she had confirmation that the blonde was going to be alright, she found that she was completely exhausted. She was teetering on the edge of sleep when Tara spoke again and Willow dragged herself back awake.

"Did they tell you what happened? How did I get shot?" Tara's voice was tired, words soft and slow.

Willow stiffened, squeezing her eyes closed as she forced herself to remember her earlier decision that Tara wouldn't want her to try and sustain her rage. It didn't mean that she couldn't be angry at the reminder of what had happened though, and she knew it was obvious in her voice as she explained what happened, everything she'd learned from Xander about what had transpired in the yard. Tara didn't chide her for her anger, didn't say anything, just curled as close as she could get into Willow's arms.

Willow slid one hand to Tara's heart, careful not to put pressure on the bandages, but needing to feel the steady pulse for herself. She was still hurt and angry, but she let herself connect to Tara, the blonde's light and love washing through her and driving the pain away. Rage couldn't exist in the same place where Tara's peaceful spirit was so present. Tara's left hand curled over hers, the cool metal of her ring pressed between their skin.

Willow leaned over to kiss her gently, tasting her lips slowly and carefully. It didn't take long before Tara was out of breath and Willow withdrew gently, scattering more kisses across her face. "You saved me," she gasped, only realizing that she was crying when Tara's fingers wiped the tears away. She kept enough presence of mind to keep her weight on her elbows, but her head was hanging, resting against Tara's chest as she let everything go, crying quietly, hiccupping as she tried to get it back under control.

"No, shh, Willow. Willow, it's okay. Just let it out, sweetheart. I've got you. I'm right here," Tara whispered, stroking her hair the best she could without tangling her IV tubes.

Willow could barely speak through sobs, but Tara could understand her easily. "I thought I was going to lose you. Tara, I don't know what I'd have done…"

"I do," Tara whispered. "I know you, Willow."

"I wanted to kill him!" she protested, voice a harsh whisper. She went limp suddenly, Tara holding back a gasp as Willow's weight pressed against her. "But I knew you wouldn't want me to."

Tara turned her head to press kisses across the redhead's cheek and neck, everywhere she could reach. "I'm glad you know that."

"No promises what I'd have done if…"

"I have faith in you," Tara whispered into her ear, fingers stroking through Willow's hair. "I believe in the woman I'm going to marry." Her voice was softer, lips dragging against the redhead's skin. She scratched gently at Willow's back, prompting the redhead to roll slowly onto her side. Her pale face was red and splotchy, but Tara knew she'd never seen anything so beautiful in her life. "There's my pretty lady," she murmured, trailing her fingers over her face.

Willow cracked a miniscule smile, wiping her sticky face with both hands. Tara was still touching her, the points of contact feeling cool and damp and it reminded her that Tara was recovering from blood loss and the gunshot. "Come here," she whispered, sniffling. Tara moved obligingly into her arms, Willow rolling onto her back and guiding Tara's head to her shoulder. "You should get some sleep," she coaxed.

Tara yawned helplessly, not able to do anything but obey and certainly couldn't argue. "Are you okay?" she asked, not wanting to sleep until she was reassured that Willow was alright.

Willow kissed her forehead gently, stroking her fingers through long blonde hair. "I'm okay," she agreed, voice soft. Tara's breathing was slow against her neck and Willow swallowed back tears, taking a shuddery breath. Tara didn't say anything just nudged her face in closer as Willow's arms curled tighter around her. "I'm okay, I'm okay," Willow repeated, trying to choke back more tears. "Tara," she whimpered. "I'm okay!"

Tara nodded against her, lifting Willow's hand and putting it on her chest, hoping that the feel of her pulse would make her feel better. It seemed to, Willow trembling as she calmed down. Tears were drying cold and sticky on her face, but Tara was in her arms and she couldn't bring herself to care about anything else. "I love you," Tara whispered, obviously not going to be able to stay awake much longer, her exhausted body taking the decision out of her hands.

"I know," Willow gasped. "Thank you." She blinked as Tara pushed herself up, moving slowly as she tried both to stay awake and keep from pulling her IV line out. "What?" Willow helped her without thinking, hands lifting to support her.

"You know the rule," Tara reminded her. "You act like a charity case, you own me a kiss."

"That wasn't exactly…" Willow started to protest.

Tara couldn't keep her eyes open, but she shook her head. "You thanked me for being completely in love with you, it counts!" she declared, one hand on Willow's chest to steady herself. Willow took her wrist and stabilized her as she sat up beside her.

"Okay," Willow agreed to pacify her. "Kiss me and we'll go to sleep, okay?"

Tara narrowed her eyes at her partner, pointing one shaky finger at her. "I know you're just patronizing me, but _I _want to kiss you and go to sleep." Willow nodded, smiling. "Don't give me that look, Willow Rosenberg," Tara said, using her finger to poke her lover in the chest.

"I most certainly didn't give you a look," Willow protested, feeling an undeniable urge to giggle, giddy. "I will give you a kiss though." She kept the kiss short, just a light meeting between their lips. Her laugh escaped as Tara yawned, covering her mouth quickly. "Okay, now the sleeping," Willow prompted, curling one arm around Tara's shoulder and guiding her back down with her.

The lights were bright and the bed was small and uncomfortable, but Tara was there and alive and there was nothing that could take that away from her.


	11. Chapter 11

_I want to see you as you are now  
Every single day that I am living_

Willow mumbled and cursed in frustration as she tried to juggle the different things she had cooking on the stove. Tara had been sent home from the hospital after a week and Willow had taken the doctor's warning about bed rest to heart and was attempting to take care of as many household tasks as she could, determined to keep Tara resting.

A pot boiled over and she pulled it off the eye of the stove, barely managing to keep from burning herself. A quiet giggle behind her had her glaring over her shoulder. "Something funny?" she questioned, unable to hide her sarcasm.

Tara hid a smile behind her good hand, her injured side still in a sling. "You're unbelievably sweet to be doing this…"

"_Trying_ to do this," Willow corrected her, eyes back on her attempt at cooking. "And you're weren't supposed to see me screw it up since you're supposed to be on the couch."

Tara laughed, stepping closer and leaning in to look over her shoulder at the pots and pans on the stove. "It all looks good to me," she said, scratching Willow's back soothingly.

Willow gave her another look over her shoulder, though she was smiling even as she narrowed her eyes at her lover. "Liar," she accused. "You couldn't sleep?" she changed the subject, clicking off the heat with a frustrated sigh.

Tara shook her head, resting her chin on Willow's shoulder. "No. I think nine hours a day might be my limit."

The redhead huffed, not satisfied. "Well, at least is your arm feeling okay?"

"Yes," Tara assured her. "I took my medicine with breakfast just like you told me to."

"Good. That's good," Willow said, leaning her head against Tara's. "You think I'm going overboard with all of this, don't you?"

"I think it's cute," Tara denied. "And sweet, the way you take care of me."

"'Cute' and 'sweet,'" Willow repeated dully.

"The attempt at cooking is cute," Tara clarified. "And it's all _very_ sweet."

The redhead laughed shortly, reaching behind her head with her free arm to stroke her fingers through blonde hair. "I guess 'sweet' is better than nothing," she conceded. There was a moment of hesitation and she cleared her throat. "I had an idea that I wanted to talk to you about."

Tara nodded, turning her head to kiss Willow's neck. "Okay."

"I want to heal your arm," Willow said, voice still hesitant. "I know I can do it, Tara. And I need to help you."

Tara leaned her head back into Willow's hand. "It's healing alright."

"I know that," Willow said. "But we're down a witch, and you're in pain."

Tara pursed her lips, her fingers finding Willow's on the back of her head. "It'll heal on its own."

Willow gave a nod, swallowing thickly. "I know that," she said again. "And from a certain point of view, this might look like a selfish thing, but you are an important part of the Scooby club, and if you're not able to perform, someone could get hurt." She stopped, grumbling under her breath as she turned in Tara's arms to face her. "But I know I should just wait and let it heal on its own." She gave the blonde an apologetic look up through her eyelashes. "I just hate that you're in pain, Tara. I want to do whatever I can do to help you."

Tara smiled without speaking and Willow continued, "Okay, I didn't really think you'd go for that, but I have something else in mind too."

The blonde arched an eyebrow at her, intrigued as Willow smiled. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," Willow agreed, obviously pleased with herself. "I kind of figured that healing your arm might be a no-go, but I don't think you'll have anything to shoot me down on this one…"

"Willow," Tara interjected, two fingers on her lover's lips to quiet her. "I wasn't trying to shoot you down. You know that."

Willow nodded behind the fingers, her own hand rising to lower Tara's hand. "I know. I just want to help you so bad, but I know that I just have to be patient and let nature do its thing." She tried a hopeful grin. "This really smart woman has been teaching me about stuff liked that."

Tara blushed, smiling crookedly. "If she's so smart, I hope she's hanging onto you. Letting you get away would be a mistake."

Willow stuck the tip of her tongue out between her teeth and she lifted Tara's left hand to her lips, kissing the back of her hand and playing with the diamond ring. "She agreed to marry me, so I'd say she's _very_ smart. And did I mention gorgeous?"

"Mmh, not in the last hour or two," Tara teased.

Willow caught herself leaning in for a kiss, blinking. "Okay, so, about my idea… I want to take you away from Sunnydale, from the Hellmouth. I mean, we've all been kind of _tense_ around here lately and I just want to be alone with you, Tara. It'll be safer, less risk of your arm getting hurt again…"

"Okay," Tara interjected with a laugh. "You've convinced me, sweetie. We can take a break." Willow blinked, looking panicked and Tara shook her head. "Not a break like _that_," she clarified patiently. "We really are too stressed if you think I'm leaving you."

The redhead took a deep breath, hugging her tightly before remembering the blonde's injured side and she tried to pull back, but Tara wouldn't let her go. "It's fine," the blonde murmured reassuringly. "How about this lunch you made?"

Willow snorted, wrinkling her nose. "You might be better off sending me out to pick up some take out, honestly."

"Nonsense," Tara chided her. "You made it for me."

Willow lifted both hands, miming brushing her hands off. "I've officially warned you." She gave her a pecking kiss. "I promise to apologize profusely _and_ hold your hair back if it ends up making you sick."

Tara gave her a stern look that melted into a crooked smile, patting her cheek gently. "You just need to have a little more faith in yourself, Willow." She punctuated the statement with a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I have faith in myself," Willow objected. "I just can't cook to save my life."

Tara squeezed her arm gently, laughing softly. "Lucky for all of us that cooking is so very rarely life-threatening."

Willow lifted a spoon from her pot, watching watery sauce drip from it forlornly and leaning her head to look closer at it. "The results might be."

"Hush," Tara directed, digging nails into her arm again. "Now, I want to eat the lunch that my beautiful, sweetheart fiancée made for me."

Willow served her up a plate, making sure the portions were as little as she could make them. She wasn't honestly concerned about making Tara sick, but rather was afraid that it would simply taste awful and the almost too kind-hearted blonde would eat it out of her incredibly strong sense of loyalty.

"If it's nasty, just tell me and I'll make you something else. I think there're some corndogs in the freezer," Willow offered. "It won't hurt my feelings, I swear."

Tara smiled around a bite, choking back a cough. She had to hold her plate back as Willow tried to take it away, the redhead pouting in disappointment. "Just a little too much salt," Tara said honestly. "Not bad." Her voice was hoarse and she coughed again.

Willow got out of her seat without speaking, returning to the table with a glass of water. "Sorry," she said morosely.

Tara put down the cup after taking a long sip. "Nuh-uh," she said. "You know the rule." She tapped her lips twice. Willow's next sigh was an attempt at long-suffering though her lips were curling up at the corners, unable to stop a smile. "It just might be a little salty," Tara teased, catching Willow's neck as the redhead tried to pull back. "I don't think so," she said. "You owe me a kiss and I intend to collect."

"I don't know about that," Willow responded. "You pick on me, I don't know if you should get any kisses!"

"Aww, she was gunshot," Buffy chimed in as she arrived and cut through the dining room to get to the kitchen. "Give her some kisses!" She picked over the food at the stove, serving herself some lunch and taking a seat at the table with them. The Slayer dug into the meal without appearing to notice any overabundance of salt and the witches exchanged amused looks, knowing that Buffy would eat pretty much anything.

Willow leaned forward and kissed her fiancée, taking her best friend's advice. Teasing or no, there was really nothing that would keep her from kissing Tara. Especially not when she considered the alternative. So much could have gone wrong that day, a fate she didn't even want to consider. She'd had nightmares about it, Tara dead and herself completely out of control. She always woke up in a cold sweat, breathing hard. She never resisted kissing Tara then, heedless of the fact that the blonde was normally still sleeping. Tara would wake up and, knowing what had happened, would comfort her instinctually, the trembling and sweating so reminiscent of Willow's struggles during the worst of her withdrawal.

Some nights it felt like they might never get another peaceful sleep again, but that was part of what had prompted Willow's idea to take a vacation, get a break from the Hellmouth and the stress that came along with living on it. Now though, in the dining room, surrounded by daylight and with Tara right in front of her, kissing her, it drove the nightmares away. She couldn't be the person in those dreams if Tara was alive. She wouldn't let it happen. And she'd done nothing the last few months if not prove how formidable her will was. Without her though, she feared there was nothing that would be able to control her, stop her from becoming the nightmare creature from her dreams.

Buffy's plate scraped on the table as she pushed it back, several long swallows finishing off her drink. Willow and Tara separated slowly, and the blonde could see something in Willow's eyes. She didn't ask and Willow stared at Buffy for a long moment, blinking slowly. She wasn't sure that even Buffy would be able to kill the monster from her nighttime terrors. And if she had ever become that, that's what she hoped would happen, that the Slayer would take her down, destroy her utterly. That thing she'd been dreaming about wanted to die, wanted everyone to die with her.

"Will, you okay?" Buffy's voice made her jump, suddenly realizing where she was. It wasn't dark, _she_ wasn't dark, and she didn't want to die.

She shook her head, sending her hair falling in her face. "What's wrong?" Tara questioned, exchanging looks with the Slayer.

"Oh, no, I mean, I'm fine," Willow stammered. "I was just thinking."

Tara leaned forward, pressing her lips against Willow's forehead and lingering there. She took a deep breath, feeling Willow reach out to her. She deliberately didn't look too closely, not wanting to use their connection to invade her lover's private thoughts. Something was troubling her and it was plain and on the surface of her mind, but she didn't search out the cause, sure that Willow would come to her when she was ready to share.

Willow's eyes were closed and her fingers found Tara's and curled them together. Tara's life burned as hot as it ever had, white and light and warm inside her. Touching it soothed her, made her own life feel better, more important. Tara made her feel wonderful, like she was special, even when she wasn't doing anything to feel particularly wonderful about. A simple smile from Tara started her heart racing and any fleeting thought of her brought a smile to her lips.

"There's nothing like being in love." She was surprised to realize that she'd whispered it aloud, Tara's blush warm against her skin. "Oh, um…" Her eyes glanced sideways at where Buffy was sitting, the Slayer doing her best to ignore them.

"It's fine, Will. I remember the feeling," Buffy commented without looking at them. She pushed herself to her feet, one hand rubbing at the opposite shoulder. "I think I'll go up on the roof and clean the gutters." In her ongoing effort to resist Spike, the Slayer had taken to training harder than ever, as well as doing anything else she could think of to keep herself busy. She didn't speak again, dragging her feet toward the basement to collect a ladder she didn't need, but that she needed the neighbors to see to avoid suspicion.

Willow groaned as her best friend departed, dropping her head into one hand. "And up till then the day'd been going so _well_," she commented bitterly.

"What you said was sweet," Tara pointed out. "Buffy's just going through a rough time lately."

"Which is my fault," Willow countered.

Tara sighed, not sure how to respond to that. "Will…" She kissed the back of a freckled hand. "Have I ever told you how much I love your name?" The redhead gave her a confused look, though she couldn't help smiling. "It's just so perfectly _you_ and I love it. I love everything about you," she said, taking another bite of her lunch.

Willow swallowed thickly and cleared her throat before she spoke. "It's unbelievably sweet of you to say, but what brought it up?"

Tara shrugged. "I didn't know if I'd ever told you how much I love your name, and you said something unbelievably sweet yourself so I wanted you to know." She gave her a crooked smile. "Willow."

"I never liked my name until you said it," the redhead confessed. "It never sounds the same coming from anyone else." She blushed. "Even when I liked Xander, he never said my name the way you do. I was always 'Will' or 'Willster,' some kind of nickname. With you I'm just 'Willow.'"

"I call you 'Will,'" Tara pointed out with the same small, crooked smile on her face.

"I know that," Willow agreed. "But even when you do, I'm still your Willow."

Tara gave her a look. "Do you not like 'Will?'" she asked.

"No, I do! But not nearly as much as I love being Willow. Your Willow." The redhead's face was nearly as bright as her hair and she ducked her face.

The move was so reminiscent of how she'd always been, before Willow, that Tara couldn't resist lifting her fiancée's chin with two fingers. "You _are_ my Willow," she whispered, biting her lip.

Willow kissed her, couldn't help herself and didn't want to. The kiss was slow, gentle and soft. She kept coming back for more short kisses. "Even with my bad cooking, you taste good," she groaned. She dragged herself away with an effort, covering her lips with one hand. "Too good. You need to eat."

Tara was out of breath, had been getting winded more easily since getting out of the hospital. "And you need to tell me about our vacation. Where are we going?"

"Anywhere you want, Tara," Willow promised instantly. "Just name it."

"Well, I know you too well not to think you didn't have a plan," Tara said, laughing. "What have you got in mind?"

Willow shrugged, sticking her tongue through her teeth. "Okay, well, it's almost summer, you know, but I have a freckling issue and your skin is perfect, so I was thinking that this time we might avoid the beach and try for somewhere a little more temperate. Colorado? Washington? Canada? Alaska? Something like that? Not necessarily somewhere _cold_ but cooler would be nice."

"Sounds great to me," Tara agreed. "And it's not like we don't live near the beach."

Willow smiled, her eyes tired. "Good. Not that I'm not eager to see you in a bikini, of course."

Tara gave her a look as she resumed eating her lunch. "I'm sure they have hot tubs in any of those places." Willow's smile didn't quite reach her eyes and Tara put down her fork to rub the redhead's leg soothingly.

"At this rate, you're never going to finish your lunch," Willow pointed out dryly. "Don't worry about me."

"You know I do anyway," Tara said softly. "Whenever you want to talk to me, I'll listen."

Willow nodded, glancing up as they both heard Buffy's landing on the roof, shoes crunching on the shingles. She didn't speak for a long moment, the silence stretching as she tried to think of what to say, how to explain how she felt, what she had been seeing in her dreams. "I'm scared, Tara." Her eyes didn't move from the ceiling. "I'm scared of who I'd be if I lost you. I've been dreaming about it. I'm dark, everything's dark. You're gone and all she wants is to die, wants everyone to die." She felt her hands start shaking and the sudden dripping tears made her realize that she'd been crying since she'd first started speaking.

"You d-don't want to d-die, do y-you?" Tara asked, poking at her plate with the fork.

"No! Tara, no! I'm just so…I've never been scared like I was when you got shot. I can't get it out of my head." Her eyes closed, squeezing more tears out. "I don't know who I'd be if you were gone."

"Willow," Tara whispered. "Y-you n-never…" She stopped, her shoulder throbbing and her heart suddenly racing. Willow would never kill herself, she knew that, but this sudden paralyzing fear of hers needed to be addressed. "I-I…" It took a long moment to gather her composure, mind trying to think of something reassuring to say. "Willow…"

The redhead let out a growl of frustration, leaning forward and wrapping both arms around her legs. She buried her face in the tops of her thighs, her voice muffled. "I know you can't make any promises, Tara."

"I do, Willow!" Tara's voice was firm and Willow could visualize her expression without seeing her face. "I'm _marrying _you. What is that if not a promise? It's true that I can't promise you what's going to happen in the future except for one thing… I _promise_ you that we will be together for the rest of our lives." She turned on her seat enough to reach Willow's bowed head with her good hand, stroking gently through her hair. "No matter how long that is, I want to spend it with you." Willow's head moved under her hand, lifting just enough so that their eyes could meet. Willow's greens were rimmed with red, her face pale. "And _if_ anything ever happens to me, I know you'll be sad and upset…"

"_Gross_ understatement,"Willow chimed in, narrowing her eyes. "Destroyed is a _bit_ closer."

"Honey, don't say that." Tara pleaded. "_If_ anything ever separates us, I'd be lost too, you know that…" Willow nodded slowly, leaning into Tara's touch as the blonde's hand slid down her cheek. "But we can't live our lives scared of something that might never happen." She leaned forward and kissed her, pushing into Willow's mouth slowly. Willow's hand found Tara's hand on her face, squeezing her wrist gently. They pressed closer, both leaning forward until Tara's wounded shoulder was screaming in pain and she had to pull back. Willow started to apologize and Tara's fingers landed over her mouth. "No, no apologizing for kissing me."

"Technically, _you_ kissed me," Willow pointed out, blushing. "Not the point…"

"No, not really," Tara agreed dryly. "The point _is_ that no matter what happens in the future, you are the person that I _love_ more than anyone or anything in the world." She leaned closer so her eyes were looking straight into Willow's. "And nothing will ever change that." She sighed, smiling almost sadly. "D-do you u-understand?"

Willow nodded, mouth turning up imperceptibly at the corners. "You love me and you believe that I won't become a monster if you ever die."

"I need you to believe it too, Willow," Tara stated. "I love you and I _know_ that if anything ever happened to me, you would go on being the sweet, loving, completely amazing woman that I love."

"The completely wrecked remnants of that woman, maybe," Willow chimed in. She sighed heavily. "But even completely wrecked, I wouldn't kill anyone. Not anymore. Not after everything I've learned."

Tara gave her another smile and Willow squeezed her wrist. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," Willow responded. "I need you to _not_ die, though." Tara didn't say anything, still smiling. "I know, I know," Willow grumbled.

"We'll do our best," Tara promised. "I'm going to need about eighty years of marriage from you."

Willow smiled helplessly, pulling Tara's hand down to kiss her palm. "They're yours. Play your cards right and you could get ninety."

"I'm looking forward to it."

The smiles grew more natural, less strained, as Tara sat back in her seat. "You're never going to finish that lunch," Willow predicted. "Which might be good, because it sucks."

"We're back to that?" Tara questioned. "You hush. My fiancée made this for me!"

Willow kissed her quickly before standing up and going to root through the fridge. "I'll find you something better. You need to eat, but not that." She remembered the blonde's strained shoulder from earlier and spun back to her. "Your arm…"

"It's fine, Willow," Tara assured her, leaning her head back to look up at her. "Sit back down." She tugged on the redhead's wrist, drawing her back into her seat. "Tell me where we're going for vacation."

Willow couldn't help smiling and moved her chair closer before she sat down. "I want to go somewhere where it's cool at night so we can snuggle." Tara smiled sideways at her. "Ooh, and I want a hot tub too!" she added. "That wasn't part of the original plan, but I'm flexible and you've convinced me and now I want it."

"Okay," Tara agreed softly, biting her lip. "As long as you bring your suit too."

Willow scoffed. "Well I'm certainly not going to let you go in the hot tub with someone else!" Her face was still sticky with tears, skin feeling cool as they dried. She wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt, an oversized flannel that had been stolen long ago from Xander. The front of it was spotted with drips of milk and water as well as tomato sauce from her attempt at cooking.

"Where are we doing this cuddling and hot tubbing?" Tara asked, taking a deliberately big bite of her food.

The redhead shrugged, grimacing at the plate. "Colorado is nice," she observed absently. "My parents went there few times for conferences. Of course I couldn't go to the conferences themselves, but there were mountains and snow and skiing. You'd be cute in a little toboggan."

"Cute hats in Colorado it is then," Tara declared, finishing her meal resolutely while Willow reached over her hands to steal a sip from her cup. "Where do you want to go for our honeymoon?"

Willow choked on her sip and Tara patted her on the back as the redhead tried to catch her breath. "What?"

"We don't have to go anywhere…" Tara started to speak, cut off as Willow lifted one hand. "What is it?"

"We are _not_ honeymooning on the Hellmouth," Willow pronounced. "We are going somewhere good. I just haven't quite figured out where yet. And even when I do, _you_ are going to be surprised. Planning the honeymoon is _my_ job."

Tara laughed, the sound as relaxed as it had been in several months. "Oh yeah? Does that make you the groom?"

Willow grinned, laughing herself. "I'll even wear a suit if you want," she offered, winking.

"That could be pretty nice." Tara studied her contemplatively, tapping her lip with one finger. "Yes. I am definitely okay with this plan," she stated. "Very okay with it." Her voice had dropped and Willow blinked, realizing suddenly that Tara's reaction was from merely imagining her in a suit. When it was a reality…

"Oh, I'm _so _going to get some." Tara's eyes were wide and they both started laughing as Willow realized that she'd spoken aloud, helpless to stop. Willow's hand landed on Tara's arm, their connection reestablishing itself with the simple touch and Willow could feel her stress draining away. Tara was with her, wasn't going anywhere. There was no telling what would happen in the future, but the present was sitting right in front of her, her present and her future all wrapped up in Tara, in the love they shared.

"It doesn't end," she realized. Tara blinked at her, still smiling softly. "Even if something happens, I'll never stop being in love with you. Not ever."

"I know that," Tara said.

"I know it too, but I don't think I ever thought about what it means, you know? I mean, of course I know what it means to be in love with you, I just, until all of this happened, I never thought about all of the big, lifetime picture of stuff. I mean, I've known since about two weeks into spending time with you that I wanted to spend my life with you." She sighed heavily, grinning sheepishly. "I'm babbling, but I do have a point. We love each other, we're getting married, and nothing will ever change this. Sorry it took me so long to realize it."

Tara's smile lingered, brushing her hand over the redhead's cheek. "You know the rule about apologizing, sweetie."

Willow smiled, leaning over in her chair. "Happy to pay the price," she whispered, her head tilting to meet her lover's lips. They only parted to draw breath, minimal space between them. Tara lost her breath, but didn't stop, didn't want to stop kissing her for a second. She could feel Willow's complete surrender, giving everything over to her through the kisses, nothing at all held back from her. She could feel it and she answered it with her own, letting everything she felt for Willow out in one blinding, all-encompassing wave. There was nothing that would ever change this, nothing that ever could.

* * *

If anyone cares, there will be a sequel eventually. Thanks so much to everyone who read and especially those that took the time to review!


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